Friendship: One of the true joys of womanhood

Posted on March 3, 2016 by Heart of the Matter

 

“Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: ‘What! You too? I thought I was the only one.'” –C.S. Lewis

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Friendship is not only one of God’s greatest blessings, but is one of the true joys of womanhood.

Our friendships can be a source of strength, joy, and inspiration…especially those friendships that exist among Christian women.

Friendships are often forged during those difficult times in life when we need someone who understands what we’re going through or during those busy, challenging, “young mama” days, when we long for another female adult with whom to share our struggles and joys.

The best friendships are those that lift us up and inspire us to be our best selves…those that encourage us to walk uprightly and to persevere, to laugh at ourselves and find joy in the mundane. I have known this kind of friendship in my life and I count it a blessing.

True friends will not allow us to wallow in our misery for too long nor to stray too far from “center” without lovingly bringing us back, even challenging us, telling us things we may not want to hear but absolutely need to hear.

Consider your own friendships. Are they healthy? Do you only seek friendships with those who will stoke your ego, agree with you at every turn, and enable you to live an unhealthy or unbiblical lifestyle?

Or…do you have friends who will challenge you when you are living a less than authentic existence and  straying from your faith and Biblical values…friends who will grow your faith and build your character as you watch their example and do life with them?

Not only should we look for women like this to enrich our lives but, it is our responsibility to be this type of friend to others, as well. It can be difficult to confront a friend who is drifting away from the faith or just heading in the wrong direction, but a true friend will do just that.

I am thankful for the godly women in my life to whom I look for inspiration and advice and am always on the lookout for new friends whose lifestyles and character I admire that can hold me accountable and walk beside me as I strive to be the best “me” I can be…all that God created me to be…equipped and prepared to shine his light in the world.

Here are some tips when you are seeking quality friendships with Christian women.

Look for women who:

Are NOT prone to gossip. Women who talk about other women are probably talking about you when you are not around! Gossip is warned against in the Word of God due to it’s destructive and hurtful consequences and it’s undermining of the gospel. “A gossip betrays a confidence; so avoid anyone who talks too much.” Proverbs 20:19

Value God’s Word, spend time in it, and try their hardest to live by it’s principles. Look for friends who not only claim to be Christians, but walk out their Christian faith in their everyday lives. If you followed that particular women for a day without her knowing, would it be evident that she is a Christ-follower? Of course there is no perfect person, myself included! But, as Christians, our closest friends should be those who will walk with us towards a more Christlike existence, not away from it. “Blessed are those who have learned to acclaim you, who walk in the light of your presence, Lord.” Psalm 89:15

Will give you advice based on biblical precepts, not on their own opinions. When the time comes that you need advice about a life decision (relationship, kids, job), you need a friend who will lead you to God’s Word for the answer. Even if they can not take you to a particular scripture passage, at least they can give you advice based on biblical principles and ideals. It’s easy to find people who will tell you exactly what you want to hear in any given situation. It a treasure to find a friend who will help you seek God for the answer and then advise you according to his Word. “All scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.” 2 Timothy 3:16

Their are many types of friendships among women. Some are mentoring friendships designed to disciple and encourage a new or struggling believer. Some are “bridge” type friendships initiated to get to know an unbeliever so that we may bring her into the fold and share the gospel with her. But, as Christian women, we all need solid ongoing friendships with other mature Christian women who can inspire and encourage us as we strive to be salt and light in the world and to reach our full potential in Christ!

 

 

 

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Our Journey to Heart Health (Part 6)

Posted on February 25, 2016 by Heart of the Matter

 

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For those of you who are following along on our heart health journey, I thought I would post an update. As of Tuesday, it has been 5 weeks since my husband had his triple by-pass surgery. He is doing amazingly well. He and I walk 2 miles a day together at a pretty fast pace. (We’re getting very close to my usual 15 minutes per mile) He is almost back to his full schedule at work now, but has implemented a lunch hour spent at home to relax and regroup which I hope sticks for the long haul. Fortunately, we live only 8 minutes from his office so it is convenient for him to come home.

We have settled into a healthy eating routine. We now have a superfood salad or tuna sandwich for lunch along with some fresh fruit and have been eating mainly fish, vegetarian selections and fresh vegetables for dinner. We both usually eat oatmeal for breakfast or occasionally, eggs or other whole grain cereal. We have left our sweet tea and sugary soda behind…choosing instead plain water, flavored water, or occasionally diet soda. ( I know the natural food purists will not like that!) I will definitely continue serving sweet tea to our dinner guests, of course…or they would have to revoke my southern hostess card! As for dairy…we are still eating it. It would be extremely hard for us to give up our cheese and milk (skim). Comment below if you have an opinion on the problems with, or the benefits of, dairy. All in all, we both feel much better, have more energy, and know that we are helping to improve our future health picture.

We significantly cut back on eating out once we realized the amount of salt, fat and calories we saved by doing so. When we have ventured out, we chose the healthiest items on the menu. (Although, I must confess, my daughter and I munched way too eagerly on chips and salsa in front of my husband at a restaurant recently while he abstained…sorry honey!)

I have been on the lookout for magazines or cookbooks with whole food/vegetarian/healthy, recipes but have not found anything too promising. I like things with colorful pictures so that I know what I’m shooting for. If you have any ideas, please comment and let me know.

My husband’s ulna discomfort and numbness continues to be a distraction for him. He still has no feeling in the ring fingers and pinkies of both his hands and occasionally has shooting hand pain. Hence, for now I am the official shoe-tier (tie-er?) and button-buttoner.

Other than that, his chest and leg scars have healed up nicely with no problems and he is sleeping much better.

Last week we went back to our church for the first time. It was a joy to catch up with friends and to hear our pastor teach God’s Word in that steady, familiar, uncompromising way of his. We have missed our church.

Thanks so much for your prayers and support! Continue to pray for healing of the ulna discomfort and that he would regain the feeling in his hands. God is good all the time!

 

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5 Steps to a Joy-filled Life!

Posted on February 24, 2016 by Heart of the Matter

“You will show me the path of life; in your presence is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.” Psalm 16:11 (NKJV)

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Find your purpose and calling and live in it.

There is nothing more fulfilling than living out your calling in this world. I happen to believe that one of the highest callings a woman can have is that of being a wife and mom tasked with raising the next generation of believers. But, along with that holy calling, God has gifted women (and men) with different skills and abilities that are to be used to further God’s purposes on this earth. In addition, he has put specific desires within our hearts to put our particular gifts to use. Most women know where their strengths lie. That is a great starting place. Several years ago, our church, in a small group format, read The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren. If you are not sure what I mean by your “purpose and calling”, this is a great resource for you to help determine and refine your purpose

Make it a priority to spend time in God’s Word daily and in prayerful communion with Him.

My very best days occur when I take the time to read God’s Word and spend time in meditation and prayer first thing in the morning. An early morning time may not work for you, but, finding time to commune with God is essential for a joy-filled life. Just like the relationship we have with a good friend, which can flounder or fizzle out if it is neglected; nourishing that friendship, energizes and uplifts us. Our Christian faith is based on a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. Take time to make it a solid one. Talk to Him, thank Him, and…hear from Him.

Establish routines and habits in your home that will lead to peace and order.

It is very hard to have a joy-filled life amidst chaos and confusion. I am an orderly and organized person by nature and no longer have little ones at home, so this comes pretty easy for me. I realize it’s not so easy for everyone. Here’s a hint for parents of teenagers (of which I have one still at home), close their door! I am extremely happy and content when my home is freshly cleaned and in order. I mean it really lifts my spirits. Make little changes that will lead to a more peaceful atmosphere…you’ll not only feel better yourself, you’ll see a difference in your family. Order brings peace.

Learn to say “no” and to refrain from over-commitment.

I said goodbye to hectic hurriedness long ago and it made my life exponentially better! Again, when you are a mom to little ones, there will be a certain amount of hurriedness as you search for shoes and socks, pack 4 or 5 (or more) lunches, and scurry out the door for taxi duty, but take the time to prioritize what’s important. I mean in the big picture. Do you have to serve as team mom, classroom parent, and PTA president simultaneously? Don’t fall into the trap of thinking…”No one else can do it as well as I can”, or “I don’t want to let them down”. Sometimes there are other people for whom it will be a blessing to serve in a particular capacity…they just haven’t spoken up. Let the quiet ones have a turn! And always, always keep in mind that the needs of your husband and children (if you are a mom) should be your first priority. One more point: If you are looking to over-involvement to meet your need for acceptance or validation…then you are barking up the wrong tree.

Make time to serve others.

Nothing brings joy like serving someone in need. It takes our eyes off of ourselves and our own problems and puts our focus on another of God’s precious children. We were made to give love and to care about others. There are so many big and small ways in which we can do this. If we will pray for eyes to see the needs around us, God will open them. As Christians, we are his hands and feet in the world. Think about your gifts…how are you perfectly suited to meet someone’s needs in your church family, neighborhood, or community? Try it and see what joy it brings to be a blessing to another human being.

I hope you will consider implementing these 5 tips for living a more joy-filled life. I would add that a joy-filled life does not mean an always happy one. There will be times in life filled with tears and heartache, no doubt… but, with Jesus Christ as the center of our lives, we can have a deep and abiding joy even through the trials, difficulties and tragedies that will most certainly come!

“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” Romans 15:13 (NIV)

“Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with the Lord’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality.” Romans 12:12-13 (NIV)

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The Sandwich Generation

Posted on February 22, 2016 by Heart of the Matter

 

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“Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you.” Exodus 20:12 (NIV)

It can be tough being in the sandwich generation. If you don’t know what that is, it’s the name for the generation that must divide responsibility between the care of our own children at home and our aging parents. In my case, it is my almost 90 year old mother, who has lost nearly all of her hearing and much of her sight and who just recently gave up driving.

My mother still lives in the home that she and my Dad built back when my brothers and I were in high school. It was not only her dream home, but is filled with many special memories and a lifetime of “stuff”. She has no intention of leaving it. My brother and I each live within a few miles of her and are able to check on her often. My Dad, who was strong, agile and very independent until he was stricken with cancer, passed away several years ago, which is when the need arose for me to take on more responsibility for my mom.

I complain sometimes. You see, when I am with my mom I must play what is the equivalent of an energetic game of “Charades” in order to communicate with her. It wipes me out. Her “top of the line” hearing aids do not help her. The charging of the microphone accessory is too complicated for her with her eyesight as it is, and her disdain for technology doesn’t help the situation.

There are so many, many doctors and dentists appointments, as well as, trips to the grocery store and the hairdresser that I have to fit in between my own appointments and the needs of my busy daughter and my very patient husband. You get the picture?… of the sandwich pressed inside the George Foreman grill?

Sometimes when I’m feeling really overwhelmed, I’ll call or text my hubby and have a pity party about how tough it is to deal with all my mom’s needs…then, just as I’m spouting off my list of complaints, the Lord will inevitably “slap me up beside the head” (southern speak for a not so gentle reminder) and remind me of the lifetime of needs that my precious mother met for me.

She nursed me when I was sick…agonizing over my condition as my 5 year old self lay in a hospital bed with encephalitis. She handmade my clothes when we had very little money. She cooked a lifetime of hot meals for me, doing wonders with Spam and bologna during the lean years. She made sure I had piano lessons, and band classes and that I practiced every day. She patiently rode out the tumultuous middle school years, when I wasn’t her friend and complained that she and my dad were way too strict. And she attended numerous band concerts, choir concerts, football games, and recitals…too many to count…always proudly cheering me on whether I was playing, cheering, or singing…always there with a smile on her face. She sacrificed so that I could go to college and she patiently walked with me through the heartache of a broken marriage.

My mother had worked at the FBI and the Department of the Navy as a young woman, but when her children came, she devoted her life to us…steadily and consistently loving, teaching, and serving us. Always modeling a life of faith and a love of God. And lest we forget… spanking us when we needed it!

Of course the most important thing my sweet mother did for me was to take me to church…year after year…steeping me in the gospel…teaching me to love God’s people and to revere his Word. That changed my life for eternity as I came to know Jesus Christ as my personal Savior.

My mother has always been very strong, capable, and independent. So I know it is especially hard for her to ask for help now. She doesn’t want to put her children out or to inconvenience us. Her generation is known as the greatest generation due to the strife and turmoil they endured and the strength of their character.

So, when I begin to complain about the pressure of the sandwich generation and the difficulty of having to meet my elderly mom’s many needs, I pray that God will remind me of the selfless life of love and devotion she lived for me. After all, it is truly an amazing blessing that my mom is still here to share life with us at 90 years old…so many families do not have that privilege. And I thank God that my own children are able to see the beautiful example of her extraordinary life… lived in devotion to her family and faithfulness to her God.

So you see…being a sandwich is really a blessing in disguise! And it’s an opportunity to repay, in small part, the selfless love of a mother.

“But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” 1 Timothy 5:8 (NKJV)

“Stand up in the presence of the aged, show respect for the elderly and revere your God. I am the Lord.” Leviticus 19:32 (NIV)

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Jars of Clay

Posted on February 22, 2016 by Heart of the Matter

This verse from 2 Corinthians speaks to how, and why, we and so many others who know Christ can persevere through hardships and difficult circumstances. During the trials of life, we are not abandoned, crushed nor destroyed! To the contrary, in spite of our frail humanity, beautifully presented in 2 Corinthians as being housed in “jars of clay”, Christ’s power is evident and he is glorified!

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