I am Fully Known by the God of the Universe

Posted on February 8, 2023 by Heart of the Matter

Have you ever felt lonely, disconnected, misunderstood? Have you found yourself longing to be known—fully—right to your core? I have. I am an introvert so I hold my feelings close. It takes a while even for new friends to get to know me. Friends can certainly know us to some degree. Our family often knows us best. But not even our spouse can see deep into our soul where our motives, fears, and deepest desires are housed.

But, do not despair, friend. There is one who sees into our heart. His name is Jesus. He knows our pain and our sadness. He knows our hidden secrets—secrets we may have never uttered to another human being. He knows our motives when, often, other people misread them. And he knows what brings us joy. He knows the desires of our hearts and wants us to have His very best.

When I am frustrated, lonely or sad, nothing brings me more peace and emotional relief than pouring my heart out in prayer to the one who truly knows and sees me. Others may read my quiet, as arrogance—God knows it’s my introverted nature. Others may wonder why I try to avoid gossip and negativity when I’m with friends, they assume I have a superiority complex—God knows I’m trying to be more like him in that one small way. Though I wear a smile for the world and exhibit a joyful attitude as a way of encouraging those around me—God knows I sometimes struggle with regret for things in my past. God knows me to the core of my being. I am so thankful that He does!

And do you know the greatest thing about it? He knows me and he loves me anyway!

There is nothing hidden from Him.

There can be no pretense or falsehood in His presence. You are free to lay yourself bare. Ask Him anything. Pour out your heartache. Bask in the feeling of being known. Let it sink in.

Sometimes, when I go to Him in prayer, all I can say is, “Lord, you know my needs, you know my heart, please help me.” What a blessing it is to be able to do that when words fail us.

Today I am oh, so thankful to be fully known by the God of the universe.

“O Lord, you have searched me and known me. You know my sitting down and my rising up; You understand my thought afar off. You comprehend my path and my lying down, and are acquainted with all my ways. For there is not a word on my tongue, but behold, O Lord, you know it altogether.” Psalm 139:1-4

“For you formed my inward parts; You covered me in my mother’s womb. I will praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are your works, and that my soul knows very well.” Psalm 139:13-14

“Search me, O God, and know my heart; Try me and know my thoughts; And see if there is any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” Psalm 139:23-24

“Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need.” Hebrews 4:16

“Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, ‘He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.'” Psalm 91:1-2

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Finding Hope Amid Heartache and Chaos

Posted on January 21, 2023 by Heart of the Matter

2022 was a tough year. Many people in the world right now would say the same thing. We, as a nation, have faced some difficult times, with the continuation and constant mutation of Corona virus, the awful realization of various apparent side effects of the vaccines, a tumultuous political climate and rising prices in the marketplace that make it hard for the average person to feed their family and feel secure and safe. It would certainly be easy to fall away from the faith and lose hope in times like these.

In addition to our recent challenges as a nation, personally, 2022 was a tough year for me. I lost my 96 year old mother (actually at the end of 2021), a woman who had devoted her life to her family and her church, and had taught her children to love Jesus. I miss her very much. I lost a favorite, precious aunt of mine—suddenly– only days after I had stayed with her in her home. I became a victim of identity theft that resulted in a financial loss and required months of analysis and tedious work to repair. (It was one of those “never thought it would happen to me” events.) My husband went through two extensive surgeries that required significant recovery time. I was his primary “nurse” and caregiver which stretched and challenged me in many ways. My husband and I eventually both got COVID for the first time, in spite of all our precautions and our meticulous use of hand sanitizer, Clorox wipes and vitamins. And finally, my last child and only daughter graduated from college, married, and moved out of our home. I know that is a happy event and we are so blessed to have a wonderful new son-in-law, but it was a major life change. We became empty-nesters!

I can’t say that I consistently navigated this past year with joy and positivity. There were times when I felt anxious, frustrated, sad, depressed even—but when I experienced feelings like these and began to sink emotionally, there was always a solid place upon which I fell. That solid ground was my faith in Jesus and the surety that he was there to uphold me. My hope, my help, and my rescue… is in Jesus.

We are told in God’s Word that we will face trials and difficulties in this world—a world which is not the final home for believers but instead, a temporary home tainted by sin. John 16:33 says, “These things I have spoken to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.”

Jesus knows our struggles. He himself suffered unimaginable pain during his 33 years on this earth. We are not alone in our grief, sadness and heartache. In fact, our tears are precious to Him. In Psalm 56:8 King David writes, “You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.”

We, as believers, need not face anything alone. Joshua 1:9 says, “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”

There is purpose in our pain. God is making us more like Him as we respond to the difficulties in our lives. He is refining us just as precious metals are refined by fire. “And not only that, but we also glory in tribulations, knowing that tribulation produces perseverance; and perseverance, character; and character, hope.” Romans 5:3-4

“In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while, if need be, you have been grieved by various trials, that the genuineness of your faith, being much more precious than gold that perishes, though it is tested by fire, may be found to praise, honor, and glory at the revelation of Jesus Christ…” 1 Peter 1:6-7

“For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, while we do not look at the things which are seen but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal.” 2 Corinthians 4:17-18

The fact is, ultimately, believers are citizens of heaven and nothing can impede us from our final destination. Something I say frequently within our family when someone’s under stress is, “What is the worst thing that can happen?” Well, the very worst thing would be the end of our physical life. But, what happens next? Believers are immediately in the arms of Jesus—for eternity—not a bad worst-case scenario. Agreed?

Before Jesus returned to heaven after His resurrection, he told His disciples this: “Let not your heart be troubled; you believe in God, believe also in me. In my father’s house are many mansions; if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you, and if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you to myself; that where I am, there you may be also.” John 14:1-3

Friend, if you are not sure of your final destination, you can be! It’s as simple as placing your faith and trust in Jesus Christ and accepting His free gift of salvation. Here are the facts:

We are all sinners. If you have ever lied (even a little white one), cheated or stolen so much as a pencil, then you have sinned. The first step is to admit that fact about yourself. The Bible says, “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” Romans 3:23 Sin originated in the garden with the first humans, Adam and Eve, and man has been under sin’s curse ever since.

“As it is written: ‘There is none righteous, no, not one’…” Romans 3:10

Because we are sinners, we cannot be in the presence of a holy God. God wants nothing more than to restore us to himself, therefore, He provided a way. He sent His only son, Jesus, to this earth, to die, as a payment for our sin.

God calls all men to believe in Jesus Christ—to acknowledge Him as the Son of God and to place their trust in Him. “But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8

“For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Jesus Christ our Lord.” Romans 6:23

“For God so loved the World that He gave His only begotten son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life” John 3:16

Lastly, we must confess our faith in Jesus as the only way to salvation. Romans 10:9-10 says, “…that if you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead you will be saved. For with the heart one believes unto righteousness, and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation.”

“Jesus said to him, I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.” John 14:6

So, it’s as simple as ABC—admit, believe, confess. Then tell someone you have taken this incredible, life-changing step and look for a Bible-teaching church to attend where you can grow, learn and serve.

I hope 2023 will be a better year for all of us. However there is one thing I know: It will have its share of trouble and heartache. But Jesus will be there—to comfort, heal and help. When things get tough, turn to Him in prayer and remember this mama’s words of wisdom: “What’s the worst thing that can happen?”

Thanks for reading! I hope this encouraged you.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your path.” Proverbs 3:5-6

Posted in Christianity, Salvation, Spiritual Encouragement | Tagged , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Post-Mom Life and the Search for Significance

Posted on November 8, 2022 by Heart of the Matter

 

Recently, I slid quietly into a new decade of life—one where I get discounts on Tuesdays at certain department stores and receive targeted ads for wrinkle creams on my computer. I even qualify to go on the church bus to the botanical garden with the senior adult group at my church!

It happened so fast. It seems like just yesterday I was driving my mom taxi to games, practices and recitals. It was a busy and purposeful time. I felt my role as a mom was incredibly important—even world changing. I also taught school for many years and enjoyed it thoroughly. I felt needed, valued and self-confident and knew I was making an impact on the students I taught.

After retiring from teaching and sending my last child off to begin life on her own, something came over me. It was a sense of loss.

I know from talking to other female friends and relatives that these feelings are not mine alone. When women reach a certain age and our child-rearing duties are done we often feel lost, unsure, invisible, adrift. At the same time, we know we have skills and talents that are just as strong as ever. We are leaders, organizers, encouragers, creatives and teachers. We still want to be useful and to make an impact. We want our lives to matter—even as we march on into our golden years.

What is it that contributes to this feeling of loss and uselessness for senior adults like me? Well, often our churches and communities look to the younger generation to fill positions of leadership and service. Senior adults can be overlooked. Perhaps a lack of confidence that comes with aging plays a role, as well. We don’t know if we are actually up to the task anymore. I don’t know what happened to that confidence I had in my 30’s and 40’s—no matter what task it was, I just knew I was the best person for the job! Now, when I think about filling a particular need or position in my church or community I often talk myself out of it, thinking, “Oh, I’m sure there’s a younger person who would be better”.

So, how should we view this issue as believers? Should we hang up our service hat when we turn 60? Absolutely not. Let’s look at some older women of the Bible who had great impact into their later years:

Lois, the grandmother of Timothy, demonstrated the power of godly older women to influence the next generation as she taught him to know and abide by the Word of God.

Naomi, the mother-in-law of Ruth, persevered through tragedy (loss of her husband and sons) to secure a future for her family. She showed great strength and faith throughout her life.

Anna, the prophetess, first sees Jesus 40 days after His birth at His purification ceremony. She recognized Jesus’ significance and the impact He would have on Jerusalem. She was 105 years old at the time. Anna remained vibrant and useful to the Lord until her death.

Elizabeth, wife of Zacharias, was 88 years old when she gave birth to John the Baptist! She was a relative and dear friend to Mary, the mother of Jesus.

Deborah, a judge of Israel, ruled the people with wisdom and encouragement for 40 years. She was loyal to God and inspired her people to victory in battle, guiding them to live in faith.

The bottom line is: Women like you and I can have an impact well into our golden years. In fact, God expects us to continue to serve. There is still so much to do—and we have the wisdom, experience, and skill to do it!

People in your sphere of influence need encouragement, prayer and guidance. Your church needs your giftedness and willingness to serve. Lost people need to hear the gospel.Your community needs your experience and support. As the world falls steadily away from the truth of God’s Word, your engagement is needed now more than ever!

God still has a plan for you—a vital part in His kingdom mission.

And…you are no less valuable to God now than you were in your younger days. You are precious to Him.

Pray for God’s guidance and direction as to what he would have you do in your church or community. Pray for the confidence to take on the task. Pray for renewed purpose and inner peace as you move into the next phase of life. God is faithful. And life isn’t over yet!

 

Posted in Christianity, Church Life, Grandparenting, Parenting, Service, Spiritual Encouragement | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

Time to Land That Helicopter: The Changing Role of Parents When Their Children Marry

Posted on April 27, 2022 by Heart of the Matter

I have loved being a mom. It has truly been my most fulfilling role in life. Of course, I’ve had other roles over the years. I’ve been a wife, daughter, granddaughter, elementary teacher, volunteer, Bible study leader, VBS worker and choir member, among other things. God has no doubt used me in all of these roles to impact others and to grow my faith but, the role of mom gave me purpose, confidence and immeasurable joy.

I know, some of you young moms are thinking, “What?! Is she crazy? I’m up to my elbows in dirty diapers and spit up…my home is a Lego minefield! I don’t feel confident or joyful!” But if you give yourself a moment to reflect (I know, I know, a moment to reflect…what is that?) I’m sure the Lord will bring to mind all of the beautiful moments you have shared with your kids. And when your children are all grown and out of the house, as mine are, and you look back on your body of work as their mom, I pray you, too, will recognize the joy and purpose they brought to your life.

In this post I hope to share some wisdom regarding those grown children—the ones who are getting married, moving out of the house and starting their own families.

My husband and I have two sons and a daughter who are all married. Our oldest son has been married for 10 years, our next son for 5, and our daughter for 1 year. We are very proud of all of them and have enjoyed watching them blossom and grow in their new roles.

When your child marries, there are several things you need to come to grips with:

  • Your role has changed—drastically and forever (sorry if that sounds harsh).

You’ve spent many years as your child’s caregiver. You made sure he ate his vegetables, wore his coat on cold days, made it to school on time and sipped on chicken soup when he was sick. Once your child is married, this is no longer your job. It’s the job of his spouse. Your son’s new wife’s role is to be his helpmate, even if that role doesn’t look the same as it did for you when you got married. Our middle son and his wife share many of the jobs in their home, in fact, he now regularly offers to help with the dishes at our home when he visits! Imagine that! In their case, both of them have careers and so it makes sense for them to share chores at home. Our oldest son really gets in there and helps at home, as well, bathing the kids, cooking, and cleaning. Our daughter seems to be following what she learned from her mama, for the most part, and is pretty traditional in how she runs their home. They are all working out their roles and responsibilities as they go along and it is wonderful. It is also, none of our business how our grown kids allocate jobs and duties in their own families. We have to trust that our daughters-in-law, the ones that God provided, will learn and grow over the years and will be able to take care of our sons and their growing families perhaps even better than we did.

Another thing that may have to change when your young adult child marries is your communication with them. If before they married you insisted that your son or daughter: talk to you daily from college, text you when they made it safely home from late night events, call you every day on their lunch break from their job, etc, (let’s all say it together: helicopter parent) it is time to let that expectation go! You are no longer their text buddy, their best friend, or their parental parole officer. Their spouse is now their best friend and text buddy—and parole officer, if needed. Sometimes, in the case of sons, it is dad who has trouble with this one. It’s very hard for many dads to let their sons go if they have had a close relationship. Moms letting daughters go can be tough, as well. But, once your child gets married, their spouse is the one with whom they will discuss plans and ideas, make decisions and share the ups and downs of daily life. They do not need you texting them every day or multiple times a day with trivial comments or probing questions.

Now, lest you think I am saying your adult children should not communicate with you or come to you for wisdom and advice, I am not. That is certainly still an important role for parents of adult children. Parents have the wisdom and experience that can come in handy in many cases. If they ask for your advice on an important matter, by all means, give it. But in order for your married kids to strengthen their bond, grow, and learn to trust each other, they need to be able to practice making decisions and discussing ideas together. Communication is so important in marriage and you and I as the parents, do not need to hijack theirs.

  • Putting too many expectations on your adult children will be detrimental to their marriage.

When your children get married, they are developing new traditions, establishing their own routines and settling into their own rhythm of life.With the multifaceted structure of many families today, it can be very stressful for them as they are pulled in many directions by parents, in-laws, step-parents, divorced parents— for holidays, birthdays and special events. We have been very careful not to put expectations on our married kids in this regard. They know we are always up for a visit, that we love them immensely and that we enjoy spending time with them. When they decide to come see us we jump for joy! But we do not put pressure on them to come—ever. I know it can be hard not to feel slighted if they seem to be spending more time with the other side of the family but, there is no place for guilt trips, tears or anger. Bite your tongue, say a prayer, and be patient. As little kids like to say, you are no longer the boss of them! And it will be your turn eventually. Make your home a place they will love to visit. Create an atmosphere of acceptance, joy and fun. They won’t be able to resist! If your married children live close by, this point can be even trickier but is just as important. You may be tempted to put even more expectation on them—wanting them to come by and have dinner with you a couple times a week or to invite you over to their place regularly. Resist the urge to put that pressure on your married kids who happen to live nearby.

I’m going to go out on a limb here with some straightforward advice for when your kids get married: Go on with your life. Get a hobby. Get reaquainted with your spouse. Leave them alone.

  • Getting involved in their disagreements will not end well.

It is not your job to get involved in your children’s disagreements with their spouses. Stay out of it. Do not take sides. In fact, don’t allow them to drag you into it in the first place. If your adult child comes to you complaining about their spouse, say something like, “Honey, I love you, but it’s best if you work that out with Jane/Joe. But, I will certainly pray about it with you if you’d like.” I am happy to say, our married kids have never come to us with complaints about each other. We are blissfully ignorant of their squabbles.

  • Now, a word about daughters-in-law:

I have two lovely, sweet, smart daughters-in-law. God really blessed me good with the two of them and I don’t take that for granted. They are wonderful, loving wives and my oldest son’s wife (the only one with children thus far) is a fantastic mom who is leading her children in the ways of the Lord. I have a great relationship with them both and want to keep it that way. I refrain from telling them how to run their home, raise their children, clean their house, cook, or take care of their husband. It is their home and they have their own way of doing things. My role in regard to my daughters-in-law is that of encourager, cheerleader and friend. They know that I am there for them if they want advice on anything but I do not offer it unsolicited.

I do try to model a life of faith and devotion to Jesus Christ for all of my children. That is a very important exception to the rule of not interjecting yourself into their lives! It’s critical that we use every method at our disposal to pass on the baton of faith to the next generation! So do talk to them about the importance of being a part of a community of faith (a local church) and of personal time in the Word and of raising their kids to know and love the Lord. Speak it with love and gentleness and model it in your own life.

“And the Lord God said,’It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.'” Genesis 2:18

“…Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning made them male and female and said, ‘For this reason a man shall leave His father and mother and be joined to his wife and the two shall become one flesh’? So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.” Matthew 19:4-6

Friends, when your son or daughter finds the one their soul loves and marries them, it is then time for you to: pass the baton, rip off the bandaid, cut the apron strings, change the locks (just kidding with that one!)—land that helicopter once and for all. Understand and embrace that your role has drastically changed. You did a wonderful job nurturing, training and loving those little children God placed in your care, but now it’s time to switch gears, embrace your new role and let them create their own life independent from you. Continue to be a supporter, an encourager and a model of a joy-filled, purpose driven, Christ-centered life. And when the phone rings and your married child is on the line, thank God for them and for the new—different, but just as fulfilling—relationship that you now enjoy.

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Keeping Bridezilla at Bay: Successful Wedding Planning with Your Daughter

Posted on April 25, 2022 by Heart of the Matter

Summer is fast approaching and my daughter—my beautiful, kind, generous, outgoing daughter—will soon become a Mrs. She met her beloved at the college youth group at church. He’s not exactly what her father and I had pictured for her.You know how it goes, we moms create a composite list of traits and accomplishments that any Marvel superhero would be hard-pressed to possess. However, God knew best and our future son-in-law has been a joy and a great addition to our family. He is exactly what our daughter needed. God is good and always, always has a plan that is better than ours.

Kari is our only daughter (we also have two married sons) and she and I have been planning her wedding for almost a year now, since her engagement last June. I have certainly heard stories of the stress and anxiety that wedding planning can bring and the tension and volatility that many moms and daughters experience in the process. But, I have to say, working with my daughter this year has been a joy. How have we navigated the treacherous waters of wedding planning with such peace? I believe there are several key factors:

  1. Mutual respect. My daughter did not just appear on the scene. We have spent many years as mother and daughter, growing, learning, bonding and developing our relationship. As my daughter reached each age and stage of life I tried to give her appropriate guidance and ultimately, freedom, to make her own decisions (and mistakes). In doing so, my daughter learned that I value her ideas and opinions—that I respect her. No, it hasn’t always been easy to let her make her own decisions and mistakes and sometimes I just couldn’t keep my teeth clamped tightly enough on that tongue of mine! But, as she got older she knew that certain decisions would be hers to make, without my interference. Mamas, that is why God blessed you with your little girl in the first place—to grow her into a wise, mature and independent daughter of the king. By the way, as you show your older daughter that you see her as an intelligent being separate from yourself with her own dreams, ideas and personal strengths, that respect will be returned.
  2. Ownership. Allow your daughter to have ownership of her wedding. Understand that this is her wedding, not yours. This was a bit of a hard lesson for me to learn but I did come to this understanding very early in the process. Perhaps you didn’t have the beautiful wedding of your dreams when you got married…doesn’t matter. Or, you just can’t stand the color peach…doesn’t matter! Or perhaps you had always dreamed of hearing “The Way You Look Tonight” (Frank Sinatra) played at your daughter’s reception…give it up. This is your daughter’s big (if not, biggest) day and she has a vision for what she wants it to look and sound like. I know you may be thinking, “Hey, we’re paying for this wedding!”, and maybe you are but you are paying for (or contributing to) the wedding because you love your daughter and you want her to celebrate the beginning of her married life with a beautiful day that makes her happy and sends her off feeling loved and supported. You are not paying for the privilege of making the decisions! It’s not the end of the world if she doesn’t agree to have your 85 year old former pastor say the opening prayer during the ceremony. You’ll get over it.
  3. Expectations of perfection. In today’s world of Instagram filters, selfies and social media, we have come to view everything through the lens of how perfect things look to others. If you want everything to be absolutely perfect, you will probably be disappointed. Understand that life isn’t perfect and neither the wedding planning nor the day itself will be perfect either. We had to order a second batch of invitations for my daughters wedding because I made a mistake when ordering them. Then, the second batch had a small issue, too. We sent them anyway. Most people won’t even notice, and if they do, hopefully they will keep their judgement to themselves. Expecting perfection leads to stress, pressure and anxiety. Try to look at the big picture and understand that when all is said and done, what’s important is your daughter enjoying a beautiful day of joy and celebration—not whether the chargers match the table runner.
  4. Prayer. Successfully navigating wedding planning with your daughter takes a lot of prayer. Pray with her, and for her, and pray for yourself. Pray for patience, wisdom and strength. And as you pray for the wedding planning and wedding itself don’t forget to pray for the marriage! Pray that the new couple will keep God at the center of their marriage and that they will surround themselves with other Jesus-loving, family-honoring couples with whom to do life. Pray that they will find a Bible-believing church to become a part of where they can grow and serve together.

My daughter has amazed me during this process. She has been very organized, developing a calendar of when things need to be done and making sure they happen as planned, contacting vendors and keeping up with payments. She is doing all of this while simultaneously completing her last year of college. And something about my daughter that is such a gift—especially during this time—is that she is very low-key about life in general. She is not particular about most things. We only visited two shops before she found her wedding dress. She loves it! It did not need to be “designer” or flown in from Italy. She has learned that people are more important than things and that life doesn’t have to be perfect to be enjoyable. What is she most looking forward to about her wedding? Hanging out with the friends and family who will attend, dancing to her favorite music, eating the macaroni and cheese that we chose for the wedding dinner, and heading off to a tropical honeymoon with her beloved!

Hopefully, moms of daughters, you will take my advice and remember the pointers above when it comes time to help your daughter plan her wedding. Help her when she needs your help or asks for advice, support her with love and prayer, and then enjoy her beautiful day! Moms of younger girls, begin now to build that mutual respect with your daughter by giving her more responsibility for her own decisions as she reaches each new stage of life. And when the time comes to cut the apron strings, do it with joy and a sense of accomplishment. You have done your job well!

“Commit to the Lord whatever you do and He will establish your plans.” Proverbs 16:3

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