Why Church?

Posted on November 13, 2015 by Heart of the Matter

Families today “do church” in a variety of ways. Some attend traditional churches while others meet in small home group settings. Still others worship with just their nuclear families in their own home in what has come to be known as the “home church” movement. These families read and study the Bible and pray together each week in the comfort of their own living rooms for a variety of reasons. Some have been turned off by the traditional setting of church, some see the church as being full of hypocrites and others want to teach their children their own variety of religion, undiluted by the doctrine taught in particular churches. Sometimes this “home church” method works well and other times families eventually fall into skipping their worship time and just using that day for relaxation or recreation. So, is it really important to go through the hassle of packing the kids off to church each week? And if so…why?

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Well, that is a good question. There is certainly a place for Bible reading and family prayer time in our homes…of that there is no doubt. But I believe that local churches enrich our lives in some very important ways and that it is scriptural to be a part of a local body of believers uniting with others in corporate worship and fellowship.

When we become a part of a local church we are:

Educated in the ways of the Lord.

Through the preaching of the Word we can learn about God’s plan for mankind, his purpose for our lives, and how to navigate life with joy and peace. We can learn the story of Jesus Christ from his birth in Bethlehem to his death on the cross and what that means for you and I. And if you are looking for deeper study in a small group setting, most churches offer this, as well.

“Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom; teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord.” Colossians 3:16 (KJV)

 

Enlisted in the workforce of the kingdom of God.

When we become a part of a church, we can discover our spiritual gifts and how we can use them in the body of Christ (the church) to further the kingdom. This will inevitably  bring  joy, fulfillment and a sense of purpose to our lives. You see, you have a vital role to play in the church and if you are absent, it is as if a part of the body is missing, and therefore can’t function properly or complete it’s work. Maybe you are a person who loves to serve and could help on the “set up” team for Sunday mornings or the kitchen committee, or maybe you are gifted with mercy and would enjoy ministering to the elderly and the sick. Perhaps you are great at organization and are at ease in front of a group. You might want to head up the ladies ministry at the church. There is much to be done and there is a place for you.

“For as the body is one and has many members, but all the members of that one body, being many, are one body, so also is Christ. For by one Spirit we were all baptized into one body-whether Jews or Greeks, whether slaves or free- and have all been made to drink into one Spirit. For in fact the body is not one member but many.” 1 Corinthians 12:12-14 (NKJV)

 

Enveloped in the loving arms of fellow believers.

As we walk through the hills and valleys of life, we need people to walk alongside us for support and encouragement. The church is a wonderful place to develop those nurturing and caring relationships. Sometimes our own families are not as supportive as we would like them to be in times of crisis (They can get kind of tired of us!), or they don’t live in close proximity to us. When that happens, your “church” family can stand in the gap, providing practical support and prayerful intervention. Many people find that over the years, their fellow church members become their best friends. That has certainly been the case with our family.

“And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another-and all the more as you see the day approaching.” Hebrews 10:23-25 (NIV)

 

Equipped to share the good news of the gospel with others.

At church you can learn how to best share the gospel with others in your neighborhood and around the world. There are opportunities to go and tell your story of what Jesus has done for you! There are opportunities for short term mission trips to countries around the world where you can serve orphans, the elderly and the impoverished. As believers, we are commanded to share the good news of Jesus Christ with others. This important command in the book of Matthew says:

“Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and the Son, and the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” Matthew 28:19-20 (NIV)

What do you think? Is it important for you and your family to be a part of a local church? Do you “home church” and think I am totally off base? Let me know your thoughts.

Posted in Church Life, Parenting, Spiritual Encouragement | Tagged , , , | 1 Comment

Taking Every Thought Captive

Posted on November 13, 2015 by Heart of the Matter

It is in the mind where seeds of destruction are sown.

Destruction of families. Destruction of friendships. Destruction of churches. Destruction of lives.

The human mind is fertile ground for Satan’s subtle schemes. If he can get us to entertain thoughts of criticism, anger, jealousy, discontent and despair, then he knows the battle is half won. You see, negative thoughts marinating in the dark recesses of our minds day after day, will inevitably lead to sin unless we actively and intentionally seek to combat them.

The Bible speaks of this internal spiritual warfare in 2 Corinthians 10:4-5:

“The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” (NIV)

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I believe there are several types of persistent and damaging negative thoughts that are extremely harmful to Christians, women in particular. The first is:

Thoughts that are critical towards family, friends or others.

Have you ever experienced a time in your marriage when you have been frustrated with, or disappointed in, your spouse for one reason or another?  When this happens we often will dwell on the negative and allow critical, angry thoughts to creep into our minds to replay themselves over and over until a root of bitterness has taken hold. When I have fallen into this pattern of negative thinking, the Holy Spirit has graciously reminded me that Satan loves to attack on the battlefield of our minds and that he wants to damage and ultimately destroy godly marriages. As I am reminded of the verse above telling us to “take every thought captive”, I push those critical thoughts out of my mind and stand on God’s promise that if I speak the name of Jesus, Satan will flee. Maybe your negative thinking is not about your spouse but about your pastor, your neighbor, or a fellow church member . It is time for you to be intentional about pushing those thoughts out of your mind. It is a discipline that needs to be practiced with intentionality and with the help of the Holy Spirit.

 

Thoughts of inadequacy or unworthiness.

All women struggle at one time or another with feelings of inadequacy. We don’t believe that God can effectively use us because we have messed up in the past, or because someone years ago told us we were worthless. We think that because we veered off of the path he had laid out for us, we are now relegated to the “shelf of used and broken toys”, never to be loved or functional again. It is not true! The Bible says that our sins have been cast as far as the east is from the west. (Try to head east, you never meet west!) In addition, what someone in your past has told you about your worth is irrelevant. There is a holy God who loves you more than you can even comprehend and he can bless your life with purpose, joy and fulfillment no matter who you have been or what you have done in the past! When damaging thoughts of inadequacy begin to fill your mind, “take every thought captive”…send them far away and lean on God’s promise that you are precious to Him.

 

Thoughts of regret.

“If only I could go back and live that part of my life again…if only I had not   treated that person in such a way…if only I knew then what I know now.” I don’t think there is a person on earth who has absolutely no regrets…sometimes regret weighs so heavily on us that we can barely function. If you are paralyzed with feelings of regret, such that you cannot even move forward in your life, take those thoughts captive!  We as human beings do the best that we can with what we know at the time. We learn so much as we move through life and as the Lord allows us to grow through our experiences and mistakes. That’s the nature of life…it is not a perfect world and we are not perfect beings. Understand that God wants to move you forward, grow you, use you. Don’t remain stuck in the past. And don’t allow Satan to keep you there with thoughts of regret!

“Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things.” Philippians 4:8 (NIV) 

 

 

 

Posted in Marriage, Spiritual Encouragement | Leave a comment

Parenting an Introverted Child

Posted on November 6, 2015 by Heart of the Matter

As my husband and I sat on the beach soaking up the sun on one of our many family beach days, our son, Nathan, ten years old at the time, stood in line 25 yards away at the beachside hotdog stand. We had sent him over, well within our view, to purchase an ice cream cone as a treat on this particularly hot day. We watched from our beach chairs as our son stood patiently waiting, bare feet planted in the white sand, while person after person got into the line in front of him. After watching this for a while, my husband got up and gestured to him to move up in the line…he shuffled up a few inches, as more patrons pushed their way in front of him. I eventually rose from my chair and joined in the gesturing and prodding from afar…to no avail. Finally, after my husband walked over and joined our son in the line, placing his hand on his back to gently move him forward, he made it to the window and ordered his treat. We were a little ashamed of ourselves for trying so hard to encourage aggressiveness in him. After all, the Bible says, “The first shall be last and the last shall be first”, not to mention the fact that as Christians we are to have a servant attitude and put others’ needs before our own. However, we hated to see our son taken advantage of by pushy beachgoers.

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This scene played out many times over the years, in one form or another, during our son’s young life; whether we were watching him as he sat on the bench passively during a basketball or football game, while other players went to the coach and asked to be put in the game, or watching as other kids went out for leadership positions and opportunities at school that we knew he would be great at had he the courage to try.

You see, our son, the middle child, is an introvert. He is neither the  aggressive nor the pushy type. Our son is in college now and he and I talked recently about this personality trait, which we happen to have in common. The fact that we are introverts means that we are fueled more by alone time than by being with crowds of people. We need that time to recharge. Also, we prefer going to lunch with one friend or a small group of them where we can talk one-on-one rather than going to a large party with lots of new faces. And, we are not comfortable being the center of attention in most cases but would rather sit on the periphery and watch the action.

But, what does a parent do when raising an introverted child? We certainly want to teach our children the godly trait of putting others first, but we also want them to reach their full potential and have a happy life with many good friends.

I believe there are three important things parents can do to help their introverted child:

  • Help your child establish and foster quality friendships.

Introverted children will not go out of their way to meet friends. They will not be likely to invite other kids over to their house to play or hang out. Therefore, as their parents, we can help them out a little bit. For example: Get together with other families who have children the same age as yours. Arrange for fun activities and outings with your child’s classmates. Help them to walk through the steps of joining a club or trying out for a play. These things do not come naturally to them but that doesn’t mean they can’t benefit from them greatly.

  • Allow them to have their “space” at home.

Introverted children will like their alone time more than others. Don’t force them to always interact with the family. Of course, this doesn’t mean you should allow them to stay in their room for hours on end. But just be respectful of the fact that they recharge and reboot during time alone.

  • Create opportunities for them to be alone with one parent or the other without other siblings around.

It is in these private and personal times that they will feel like sharing their thoughts, ideas, dreams and struggles. Introverted children are not likely to take the initiative to come to you to talk, especially when all the family is always around. It can be really tricky when another sibling in the home is an extreme extrovert, as is the case in our family. Your introvert may never be able to get a word in edgewise!

Our son has blossomed into an amazing and talented young man. He is very smart and has a great personality for getting along with all kinds of people. He is goal oriented and driven in his career track, and believe it or not, is a really entertaining and accomplished speaker in group situations.

We learn a lot of things as parents by looking back in the past and analyzing our mistakes and successes, often refining our parenting technique with subsequent children, ( to the dismay of our third child and only daughter who is sure we are tougher on her than we were on either of her brothers!). Although we’ve stumbled and messed up many times in raising our three children, God has blessed our family beyond measure, knowing that our heart’s goal is to raise children who will love and honor Him. He will bless you, as well, as you seek him for direction and guidance in raising godly, Christ-honoring children.

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5 Marriage Myths Busted!

Posted on November 5, 2015 by Heart of the Matter

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Many young people today enter into marriage with an erroneous idea of what marriage is. They marry someone based on feelings of physical attraction or because of a ticking “biological clock”, having no idea of the self-sacrifice and determination it takes to make a marriage work. I believe there are 5 persistent marriage myths that set young couples off on the wrong track. Here they are:

Marriage Myths 

1. Myth: My spouse will meet my emotional needs for love, acceptance and fulfillment.

Truth: Your spouse is a fallen human being and can never give you the full measure of love and validation that you need. That can only come from God.

2. Myth: If I marry the “right person,” the romantic feelings that I feel now will always be there.

Truth: Feelings come and go like the tide. Those romantic feelings of love and adoration you feel for your partner when you first meet are unsustainable in the day to day work of real life. Not that you will never feel them again after the honeymoon is over, because, you will! It’s just that marriage cannot be built on the foundation of romantic feelings.

3. Myth: God’s ultimate goal for your marriage is your personal happiness.

Truth: Believe it or not, God’s ultimate purpose for you and your spouse in marriage is not happiness. His desire is that you are obedient to him and to his Word. That means staying married! As you determine to love your spouse year after year in self-sacrificial service and devotion, God will reward that obedience. He will give you an inner peace and joy that you could never have imagined. If you are currently in the storm of a failing marriage or divorce, I truly feel your pain. I encourage you to seek Christian counseling and to call on Jesus to help you. But remember, God wants your obedience more than your temporal happiness. (A fatal, recurring chorus heard from many women seeking divorce is: “I am not happy.”)

4. Myth: The grass is greener on the other side.

Truth: Scores of women have left marriages hoping to find another man who will make them feel more treasured, only to find that there is no perfect man. Imagine that. All men are human beings and therefore come with their own set of weaknesses, struggles and bad habits, (just as we women do!). In reality, the grass is as green as you make it.

5. Myth: There is only one “right” person for me. 

Truth: If love is a verb and is something that we must purpose to do then, the idea that there is only one person for you doesn’t hold water. You see, many women when going through divorce will say, “I just married the wrong person”. Believers should seek (with much prayer) a man who is also a believer—with whom they share common values and ideas about marriage—and then settle down to do the work of building a home that is Christ-honoring. There is probably more than one young man in the world who will “fit the bill” under the guidance and direction of the Lord, Jesus Christ. The excuse that, “I married the wrong person”, is not a valid reason for divorce.

God’s design for marriage is that it be a reflection of the relationship of Christ and the church—a relationship of sacrificial love and devotion. It is also to be a place where the next generation of believers is birthed and nurtured so that the gospel may go forth into this broken world for generations to come.

My prayer for young wives today is that they would seek validation and fulfillment in Christ alone and understand how precious and valuable they are to Him. I pray they would realize that love is a verb—something we are called to do, not something we feel. And I pray for long-lasting, God-honoring marriages for all of my readers.

( Please note: I am not proposing or advising that anyone should stay in a marriage where there is physical abuse occurring to the wife or children. If that is the case in your marriage, please seek help immediately and remove yourself from the situation.)

“So God created man in his image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. God blessed them and said to them, ‘Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it.'” Genesis 1:27-28 (NIV)

“For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh.” Genesis 2:24 (NIV)

“A wife of noble character who can find. She is worth far more than rubies. Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.” Proverbs 31:10-12 (NIV)

Posted in Divorce, Marriage, Spiritual Encouragement | 1 Comment

10 Things I Want my Daughter to Know

Posted on November 3, 2015 by Heart of the Matter
  1. You are loved and deserving of love.
  2. Inner beauty is much more valuable than outward beauty.
  3. Doing your best is good enough.
  4. You will never regret waiting until marriage for sex, but can never go back if you don’t.
  5. A life of purity is about more than just sex. ( It’s about your thoughts, your appearance, your attitude, and the nature of the input that’s allowed into your mind )
  6. Marriage is forever, so pick a good one! ( One who chases after God )
  7. Since you are his child, God will never, ever leave you.
  8. Nurture your relationship with Jesus Christ through Bible reading and prayer on a daily basis.
  9. You can tell me anything and come to me for any problem at any time.
  10. You have a divine purpose in life and have God-given gifts and talents with which to accomplish it.IMG_5346

“How great is the love the Father has lavished on us that we should be called children of God” 1 John 3:1 (NIV)

Posted in Marriage, Parenting, Spiritual Encouragement, Thankfulness | Tagged , | 2 Comments