Traditions: Important glue to the fabric of your family

Posted on June 5, 2016 by Heart of the Matter

Children love traditions. If you disagree, just try telling your 10-year-old you will no longer be going to Santa’s Tree Farm for your Christmas tree. Traditions create a sense of family identity; a security, and a feeling of unity.

My husband and I are now down to our last of three kids at home, having successfully launched the oldest two out into the real world. Recently, when our middle son was home for a visit, we were reminiscing about some of our family traditions, including going to see our local pro sports team play several times each year, ordering pizza every Sunday night, and…going to Santa’s Tree Farm every year to cut down our own Christmas tree.

Well, it turns out, our daughter wasn’t a part of any of that. She let us know in no uncertain terms that all of those traditions had been discontinued when she came along! You see, there is a 5 year age gap between our 2nd and third child. This revelation came as a surprise to us…we had no idea that she had missed out on so many of our long-standing traditions nor that we had been slacking off in that department (the family tradition department) since she had been born.

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As the conversation went on, we quickly scrambled to come up with some traditions that were currently a part of our family’s life. We stammered and stumbled, finally coming up with, “We go to Aunt Debbie’s for the 4th of July!…sometimes…” And, “We eat at Lampu Japanese Steakhouse after church…occasionally…” That wasn’t cutting it with our daughter, however.

That little exchange made us realize several things:

  1. Family traditions are important, even to teenagers.
  2. As the years go on we all need to reevaluate the quality and consistency of our parenting…especially where family traditions are concerned.
  3. We are getting old. But we still need to keep the fun and excitement going for that last little bird…before its their turn to leave the nest!

After that conversation (which my middle son enjoyed way too much as he teased his sister about all the fun she had missed!) my husband and I talked and came up with a plan to implement some new family traditions that would be especially enjoyable to our teenage daughter. And, at our daughter’s request, we’re visiting Lampu Japanese Steakhouse more frequently now.

If you haven’t done so, establish some fun family traditions and keep them going over the years…even until that last little one leaves home. Trust me, your kids will talk about those fun, recurring activities for years to come, reminiscing, as siblings do, over the unique and memorable times you shared together as a family.

 

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Broken people, Powerful Impact : Using Our Past Mistakes to Guide and Encourage Others

Posted on May 29, 2016 by Heart of the Matter

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As I drew near to the mid-point of my life, I began to wonder whether or not I’d used my time on earth to the fullest. I had come to know Christ at an early age—raised in a Christian home and steeped in evangelical teaching—but I wondered whether I’d made any real impact for the kingdom of God. I had learned so much through my life experience and the people God placed around me over the years, but questioned whether I’d impacted others in a tangible way? Given the failures of my past, was I even qualified to share wisdom and advice with anyone? Could I still be used by God?

You see, years ago, as a young adult, I stepped out of God’s will for a time and was living in self-centered abandon, far from the path God intended for me. I went through a painful divorce (you can read more about that here: 5 Marriage Myths Busted) and found myself as a single parent for a while. Eventually, the Lord drew me back to himself and just as the prodigal son of the Bible had done, I ran back into the arms of my Father. I am not proud of that period of my life. I knew good and well that I was not walking in the truth. Maybe you, too, can relate to wandering away from God’s path yet, feeling the pull of the Holy Spirit—convicting you and drawing you back into the fold.

If you or I have made mistakes (even big ones) in our lives, can we, after true repentance, go on to minister and function effectively in the kingdom of God? The answer is “Yes, yes, and yes!” and here is why:

  1. Failure has a tendency to knock the pride right out of you!   Many of the problems we bring on ourselves are due to pride. When we are prideful, thinking that we cannot fall, or that we’re better than those who have experienced problems such as: divorce, alcoholism, drug addiction, imprisonment, spousal abuse, bearing children out-of-wedlock, or abortion—then it is impossible to effectively minister to them! When we go through the fire ourselves, we realize that we are neither perfect nor infallible. We gain an empathetic mercy that we never would have had. Through personal trials we come to understand that sin is sin, and that we are all susceptible to it, we can then minister in love and without judgement.
  2. God allows the trials and failures we experience in our lives. I mean, God is in control of everything, right? He is all-powerful, all-knowing, ever-present—God. He did not lead you into sin but, he certainly allowed it to happen. Is it possible that he allowed it to happen for a reason—a reason that might one day change someone’s life? There is definitely someone out there who will benefit from the lessons you’ve learned— someone who needs to know there is a way forward. God can and will use the trials and issues we’ve faced—even sinful choices and decisions— to move someone else towards salvation or into a closer relationship with him.
  3. There are numerous examples in the Word of God where broken, sinful (in some cases, despicable) people were used by God to do great things.  First of all, there is David, King of Israel. He committed adultery, deception, and murder, (2 Samuel 11 and 12) and yet he became beloved of God—”a man after God’s own heart”. We see his repentance in Psalm 51:1-4 when the prophet Nathan came to him after his sin with Bathsheba (“For I know my transgressions and my sin is ever before me”) and his brokenness in Psalm 51:10-17 (“My sacrifice, oh God, is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart you, God, will not despise.”) Then there is Saul of Tarsus, who later became the apostle Paul. He is known to have persecuted Christians in the early church. Acts 9 tells of his conversion. Paul was certainly not perfect, but became a beacon of encouragement, inspiration, and teaching in the early church. In fact, he is still inspiring Christians today as they read the New Testament, much of which was written by Paul. And how about Peter? He denied that he even knew Jesus, in his very time of need—3 times! (Mark 14:66-72) He was later used by God to teach, heal, encourage, and grow the early church. And lastly, there was Rahab. She was a prostitute by trade yet she gave refuge to the Jewish spies and helped them escape. (Joshua chapter 2) She is mentioned as an example of faith supported by works in James 2:25 and is also listed in the great “Hall of Faith” in Hebrews 11 and the genealogy of Jesus Christ in Matthew 1:5!  This is not even a complete list of all the broken people who God used in the Bible but, I would certainly say all of these flawed people had a great impact on the kingdom of God, wouldn’t you?

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If you, my friend, have gone off the deep end, messed up, hit bottom, veered off course, God can still use you to impact the world for Jesus Christ. As a matter of fact, there will be certain people that only you will be able to reach! Now, if your experience is still fresh, it may be some time before you’re emotionally or spiritually ready to share your story effectively. It really depends on whether or not you have come to terms with your issues and have viewed your experience through the filter of God’s truth. For example, several years after my divorce, the Lord revealed to me the gravity of my sin against my young husband and against God, Himself. I was broken and admitted to my culpability in the demise of my marriage. I no longer made excuses or blamed others. I looked at the situation through spiritual eyes and tried to see my former spouse just as the Lord saw him. I asked the Lord’s forgiveness and the forgiveness of my ex. There was healing for both of us.

If you are holding on to grudges, excuses, anger or bitterness, then you may not be ready to help others. Oftentimes, if we haven’t truly repented or dealt with our issues before God, we end up just airing our own gripes and enabling others to continue in their sin. In the case of divorce, for example, we may fall into the trap of simply swapping stories about how awful our spouses were, when, in fact, what is needed is for a Christian friend to steer them to the truth of God’s Word: God hates divorce but loves you. Reconciliation and healing are possible. God is more concerned with your obedience than your temporal happiness.

If you have the desire for God to use your story to minister to others, first, get right with God— in repentance, seek Him for healing and forgiveness. Then, make the attempt to mend any broken relationships. Ask the forgiveness of those you may have hurt. Forgive those who have hurt you, even if they haven’t asked for it. You will be able to help others when you have a clear conscience before God and have mended those relationships that are possible to mend. Sometimes so many years have gone by that we cannot do so, but, relationships should be restored whenever possible. And then, realize that you will never be perfect. Sin is an unfortunate reality in this fallen world. But, God uses repentant and humble sinners to share his gospel message of love, mercy, and forgiveness. Let’s face it, he has no one else to work with!

Begin now to use your experiences, good and bad, to influence and encourage others in the faith. Your particular story happened for a reason. Don’t waste it. You don’t have to be perfect to impact the kingdom. Remember the old saying,”Christians aren’t perfect, just forgiven” ? God uses broken, tattered and tarnished people— like he did the apostle Paul and mighty King David—to share His unconditional love with the world and bring people to faith in Him.

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Disillusionment in marriage: Wanting more out of your husband

Posted on May 26, 2016 by Heart of the Matter

I remember clearly, as a young wife many years ago, struggling with wanting more from my husband. Can anyone else relate? I mean, when I first met him he was a dream come true, “perfectly perfect in every way”. But soon, the honeymoon phase began to wane.

Let me start by sharing a little of my marriage journey. My husband and I were around 30 years old when we married…the second marriage for both of us. We were so ecstatic to find each other and couldn’t wait to tie the knot. After being single for a few years, I was thankful to God for sending me a godly man to help me raise my 5-year-old son and to be the spiritual leader in our home. Those first few years of marriage were fabulous and fun, as most new marriages are. But, as the shiny, new, honeymoon sheen began to dull, I found myself wanting more.

More attention.

More affection.

More communication.

More enthusiasm.

More leadership.

The things I had first loved about my husband: his laid back nature, steady temperament, and introspective demeanor– began to irritate me.

As any well-meaning (although misguided) Christian wife would, I prayed that God would change these things about my husband. But, unfortunately, I didn’t stop there. I complained to my husband about them. I am typically not a nagger and have never wanted to classify myself as such but, I confess, I may have even nagged him about what I saw as his inadequacy!

It was a daily struggle that left me frustrated and unhappy. I fell hard into that proverbial “I can change my husband” trap. My discontent led to some rough waters for a little while there until God, through a series of events and a period of personal growth, taught me an important threefold lesson:

  1. He reminded me that he made men from a completely different mold than women. He made men to be steady, practical, and logical– qualities that are absolutely necessary for one who must provide for a family on an ongoing basis. He made women, on the other hand, to be more personal than practical– with a deeper interest in relationships and feelings.In addition, Men are goal oriented, having the innate desire to conquer problems. Women would rather talk them out. For example, when you were on that trip with the family, remember how your husband just had to get that 500 miles of driving in on a given day. You, on the other hand, wanted to stop, have a cup of coffee, and talk, at that cute coffee shop that just flew by. The joy is in the journey, right?Also, when it comes to communication, men are more thinking and internal and women are more verbal and external. Our husbands were made by God, in general, to be a little more quiet and introspective than us. The better to think of all the options before making a decision that will impact the family.And, men are not organically as equipped to express unselfish love and outward affection, whereas, for women, many of whom will be mothers, it is imperative. You see, God made men the way he needed them to be…the way we needed them to be. And he made us to be the complement to that.
  2. He reminded me that all the nagging in the world would not change my husband. Change would have to come from inside of him as he was prompted by the Holy Spirit…not the Holy Wife. And that although I couldn’t change him…I could certainly change me. I could pray for God to change my heart and give me eyes to see my husband the way God sees him… as a unique and beautiful gift from God to me. God opened my eyes to my own faults and imperfections, as well, helping me to see the amount of patience, prayer and restraint required of my husband in living with an opinionated, strong-willed and “take charge” gal like me!
  3. He reminded me that my security, self-worth, and joy must come from God, the Father…not from my husband. As many young women do, I was looking to my husband to meet so many of my needs. It was an impossible task for him.  When we realize that God fills every hole we have in our spirit, then we are free to love our husbands without expectations. I began to work on my personal relationship with my heavenly father which brought an amazing sense of relief and peace to me.

In the early years, God taught me that my husband was equipped with God-given traits that make him a great husband and father and that I needed to begin to appreciate those traits as gifts from the Lord. He also opened my eyes to the fact that I am a flawed and imperfect creature, as well, and though my husband (who is a talk minimalist!) doesn’t nag me about my faults, he is surely thinking about them from time to time but chooses to live every day with me in forgiveness and grace. God showed me that it is only in Him that I can find deep peace, total and complete understanding, unending joy, and perfect, unconditional love.

I worked through my wanting more phase with the Lord’s help, thank goodness, and since that time he has blessed us with a wonderful, fun, and fulfilling (not perfect, of course) marriage. My prayer for you, young wife, is that you will see your husband as a unique and beautiful creation of God with his own strengths, weaknesses, and personality. Know that he is perfectly equipped to lead your family and nourish your heart as only a man created by the master designer can do. He may not be “perfectly perfect in every way”, but he’s yours, and with your love, support, prayers, and encouragement, he will soar—taking your beautiful family right along with him!

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So I’m saved…what now?

Posted on May 20, 2016 by Heart of the Matter

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Once we are saved does it really matter what we do with our lives? I mean, as Evangelicals, we believe the old adage, “Once saved, always saved”, don’t we? We were taught, as the Bible clearly states, “Nothing can pluck you out of his hand”, right? (John 10:28) Works do not save us nor keep us saved. Salvation is by faith alone–it cannot be earned.

So, now that I’m saved, why not just prop my feet up, read my Bible in the comfort of my own home, and enjoy my blessed life?

Well, I believe the answer can be found in the book of Ephesians where the apostle Paul is talking about the fact that we are saved by grace and not by works. (Ephesians 2:9)) He goes on in verse 10 to say, “We are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.”

You see, we have a purpose in the kingdom of God that was actually laid out for us before we even came to know Him. There is work for us to do!

And in the book of James, we are reminded in no uncertain terms that: faith without deeds is dead faith!

“What good is it, my brothers, if a man claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save him? Suppose a brother or sister is without clothes and daily food. If one of you says to him, ‘Go, I wish you well; keep warm and well fed,’ but does nothing about his physical needs, what good is it? In the same way,faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead.”

James 2:14-17 (NIV)

You see, our faith, if it is useful only to us, is not complete. Our faith should have great impact on the world around us–meeting needs and changing lives.

And our faith is to be a marker of whose we are. In the gospel of Matthew, when speaking about how to recognize false prophets, Matthew states, “By their fruit, you will recognize them.” When the world looks at us, it needs to see Jesus–so that lost souls may be drawn to him. What better way to represent and identify with him than to be his hands and feet in the world, meeting the emotional, physical and spiritual needs of his sheep.

As a matter of fact, once when he was speaking with Simon Peter after the resurrection, Jesus asked Peter several times if he loved Him. (John 2:15-17) Peter answered, “Yes, Lord” each time.  Jesus replied, “Then feed my sheep”. Jesus was letting Peter know that by meeting the needs of others, he could show the depth of his love and devotion to Him. The same goes for us today. If we truly love the Lord, then we too, will feed his sheep.

If you are like me, then you sometimes find it a challenge to step out of your comfort zone, disrupt your schedule, put selfish things aside, and take the time to go and minister to someone in need. After all, we are busy with our families, our husbands, our parents, our jobs…but if we are to truly be salt and light in a dark and desperate world, we must take the time to serve others.

God’s Word commands it.

It establishes our identity in Him.

It opens the door for sharing the good news of the gospel.

By all means, enjoy your quiet time with the Savior, and the many blessings he has bestowed upon you. But, be sure to take the time to look outward at the needs of those in your neighborhood, your community and the greater world. After all, as the old adage goes, “We were saved to serve, not saved to sit!”

 

 

 

 

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How’s Your Spiritual Fitness?

Posted on May 18, 2016 by Heart of the Matter

 

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I’ve been searching for a while now to find a way to get rid of some unwanted midlife pounds and have tried all the usual avenues with only limited success. But recently, thanks to my innovative and tech saavy kids, I think I may finally be on the road to a skinnier and healthier me. What is my new secret weapon in the war on fat, you ask? It is a Fitbit fitness tracker! My children gave me one for Mother’s Day and I am loving it. It tracks my heart rate, number of steps taken and miles covered each day, number of calories consumed, and even quality of sleep.

The secret of the Fitbit seems to be its ability to increase awareness of how much one actually moves in a given day. It is a barometer, of sorts, of my physical health and well-being. I can even challenge my Fitbit-wearing friends to take more steps than I do in say, a day, or over a weekend…and I can earn badges and awards to post on my Facebook page, as well…woo hoo! Hopefully my initial excitement and motivation will carry on long enough for me to see results.

On a recent walk, as I briefly checked my Fitbit to see how many miles I had covered, I thought to myself, “What if there were such a thing as a spiritual Fitbit that monitored not my physical stats, but my spiritual ones?” Wouldn’t that be amazing, as well as, potentially eye-opening for many of us?

Just as my Fitbit monitors my heart rate, a spiritual Fitbit would monitor my heart for God. It would reveal things like: Whether my heart is tuned towards Him; whether I am fully devoted to Him or have a greater love for things of the world.

And, what about my steps? A spiritual Fitbit would tell me whether I am walking towards the light or away from it, whether my feet are carrying me to places that are pleasing to Him, whether or not I am using my feet to serve others, and, whether or not I am going into all the world to share the life-changing gospel of Jesus Christ.

My Fitbit also tracks my mileage–how far I have come. A spiritual Fitbit would tell me how far I have traveled since I first met Christ. Am I still a baby Christian? Or have I grown in the faith through participating in Bible study, listening to inspired preaching, and fostering relationships with mature believers? As Christians, we should always be growing in knowledge and wisdom–ever-moving towards Christlikeness and maturity in the faith. If you have been a believer for many years, would your spiritual Fitbit reflect that? If so, have you given back–using your knowledge and maturity to teach and counsel others who are new to the faith?

There may not be such a product out there, but, we can certainly monitor our spiritual well-being in other ways. We can check ourselves against the truth and mandates of God’s Word. We can pray for God to reveal our shortcomings and to clear a path before us towards spiritual maturity and purpose. And we can take steps to grow in Christ such as: spending regular quiet time alone with God; becoming a part of a local Bible-teaching, spirit-led church; developing relationships with other Christians whose lives reflect spiritual maturity; and determining to go where Jesus would have us go–spreading the fragrance of His love with a lost and hurting world.

I pray for good health–physical and spiritual–for you, my readers. Enjoy keeping your physical body in tip-top shape, but don’t forget to check your spiritual Fitbit, as well, as you move on down the road of spiritual maturity, Christlikeness, and purpose!

“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.” Deuteronomy 6:5

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