Finding God in the Silence: Why women need time for reflection

Posted on July 28, 2016 by Heart of the Matter

 

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Did you know the average person experiences only 10 minutes a day of total silence? And many others much less than that. The world clamors for our attention via our cell phones, laptops, radios and televisions. It screams at us in traffic noise, crowded streets, and the frantic voices of impatient children. Where can we find silence? And why do we need it?

It is crucial that women today find time in their lives for silence and thought. I recently heard a speaker say, “It is in the silence that we hear the voice of God.” (Shauna Niequist, She Speaks 2016) This is so true. In fact, without hearing from God, how can one effectively navigate the Christian life at all?

As women, we need God’s wisdom and guidance–wisdom to raise the little beings under our care into confident Christ-followers, and guidance, on how to best love and support our husbands. And, as daughters of the King, we often need comfort in the private places of our hearts–comfort that only our heavenly Father can provide.

Every woman craves time alone. Time to retreat inside her head where only her thoughts reside.

If you are in the young mommy years then you no doubt find it a challenge to find that silence.

Why not take full advantage of sitting in the car line? Take your Bible with you in the car. Read His Word. Talk to Him. Hear from Him. (Of course, this only works if you don’t have an additional child or two fussing in the back seat!)

How about using the time when your little ones are napping to go into your prayer closet (which may, indeed, be your actual closet) and converse with God rather than using that time to clean up the kitchen, fold laundry and mop. You can have the little ones help you with all that later.

Or, lock the door and take a bath. I have experienced lots of quiet reflection and powerful prayer time in the midst of a relaxing soak in a hot bubble bath.

If you have not done so, it is important to let your husband know that you hope to carve out more quiet time alone. He can help by taking the kids outside to play… or for a walk or an ice cream run. Hopefully he’ll commit to doing this a few times a week!

The good news is that as your kids grow and become more independent, it is much easier to find quiet time for reflection and prayer. In fact, this has been one of the joys of the current phase of life in which I find myself. ( one son married, one in college and one daughter, a driving teenager…yay for the DMV! )

I relish my quiet time. It restores and revives me. It settles me. It brings me closer to God.

My prayer for you is that you will carve out time to sit in the silence and reflect on God’s presence and power in your life; to pour out your hopes, dreams, fears and struggles to Him; to give Him thanks and praise for who he is–

To hear from God.

“For the Lord gives wisdom; from His mouth come knowledge and understanding.” 

Proverbs 2:6 (NKJV)

“If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him. But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for he  who doubts is like a wave of the sea driven and tossed by the wind.”

James 1:5-6 (NKJV)

“Be still and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!”

Psalm 46:10 (NKJV)

 

 

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Literary Persuasion:

Posted on July 19, 2016 by Heart of the Matter

 

Today was a beautiful day. I had time to organize my wall of books. You see, as one who loves organization and order, a day that involves any such activity is beautiful…with a capital ‘B’! As I set about dusting and rearranging the shelves my eyes fell upon several great books written for men…books meant to improve and encourage them …to make them better husbands, better fathers, better leaders, etc. The funny thing is, most of the books looked almost brand new, as if the pages had never been turned, the shiny bindings crease-free and pristine.

IMG_9209I suddenly remembered where all of these “man books” had come from. I had purchased them at various points in our marriage for my husband to read, placing them within easy reach of his favorite chair, or tossing them in a conspicuous place that he couldn’t miss; or sometimes, just flat out handing him a book and saying, “Hey, read this, it’s really good.”

I am a reader so I spend lots of time in bookstores, especially Christian bookstores, and can’t resist picking up a new book by a favorite author, flipping through the pages to scan for material that’s relevant to my life. In purchasing the “man books” over the years, I obviously had hoped that my husband would gain some spiritual insight while reading them and would be challenged to step up his game. After all, I myself had made changes many times in my life, in both attitude and action, after reading various spiritually motivating tomes. I was sure he would do the same. There were a couple problems with this method:

  1. My husband dislikes reading. I am the voracious reader in the family and have always loved reading all types of literature…even self-improvement books. My husband is more of an outdoorsy, kinesthetic, active, type of person. It is very hard to get him to read a book from cover-to-cover.
  2. Men, including my husband, often need a more direct approach. When there is an issue to address with our husbands, it is best to come right out and say it. Men aren’t that good at reading between the lines. (Nor do they, as in my husband’s case, want to read the actual lines!)

When the indirect approach failed, as it often did, I would pick up the book myself and at my husband’s request, read the best portions to him as we settled into bed at night, scanning and summarizing as we went along. He seemed to enjoy this abbreviated method of reading books by proxy…so it became a regular thing for us.  This led to some interesting and productive discussions (if my hubby didn’t drift off to sleep first!) about marriage, parenting, etc. My husband also liked for me to read to him on long car trips as it helped to pass the time as he was driving. I would read a few pages and then we’d discuss and share our thoughts.

As the years went on I gave up shopping for books for my husband, and the nearly new “man books” were relegated to the top of the bookshelf. Funny thing is…as the years rolled by, my husband just got better and better…as a father, a husband, a leader. I guess God can grow and inspire a godly man without my help, (or that of a bevy of extraordinary Christian authors)…even if he never reads a single page!

 

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Chasing After God: A Life Lived Passionately for Him

Posted on July 17, 2016 by Heart of the Matter

 

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Do you ever feel like the frantic cat in a “cat and mouse” game? Always running, always chasing…looking for something to satisfy that gnawing hunger within…never quite fast enough to attain the sumptuous prize? Life can be like that. We chase after money, success, the perfect relationship, relaxation, power, position, a great body, boats and trucks and cars–none of it actually capable of filling the void that we feel.

There is, however, a prize after which we were designed to chase and that is, God himself.

Are you chasing after God?

Do you want to meet with him? Do you want to be where he is? Are you searching for ways to serve Him? Are you following Him to places of darkness to shine his light of truth and to share the gospel? Have you said in your spirit, “God, I want to be where you are“?

It is in the journey of following God that we find true peace and rest, not in chasing after things of this world. Paul says in Romans 8:5-6, “Those who live according to the sinful nature have their minds set on what that nature desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires.The mind of sinful man is death, but the mind controlled by he Spirit is life and peace…”

Stop and think a minute. How much time lately have you spent planning ways to achieve your earthly goals? How about in pursuing those goals? Have you spent as much time and effort seeking God for direction and guidance? Have you fallen on your knees before Him and said, “Lord, I want to be where you are…make me effective for you…place me in the center of your will…show me those to whom I can minister and give me the strength and courage to do so. Fill me with your love, your compassion, your grace. Make my life a living sacrifice to you.”

Now that is something worth chasing after!

In Romans 12:1-2, Paul speaks to the importance of making our bodies a living sacrifice to God. He says, “Therefore I urge you, brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God–this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is–his good, pleasing, and perfect will.”

Give up the “cat and mouse game” of chasing after things that don’t satisfy. Instead, chase after God–find where he is at work and go there. Open your heart and life to Him. He will fill you with purpose, passion, and peace.

 

 

 

 

 

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Leadership, Integrity, and Vision: The Dad all Moms Want for Their Children

Posted on July 5, 2016 by Heart of the Matter

 

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There is no dispute that dads have a profound and lasting impact on their children. The only question is, whether that impact will be positive or negative.

As moms, we want you to make an impression on our kids in a positive and permanent way. We want you to seize every opportunity to lead, guide and advise; modeling for our kids the character traits that will lead them into adulthood as godly, humble and kind men and women of faith. We want you to be the best dad you can be for them.

There are three primary traits that most women would like to see their spouses exhibit in the home. Those traits are: Leadership, integrity, and vision.

Leadership

“And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.” Ephesians 6:4 (NKJV) Due to God’s original design for humankind, most women in a traditional family unit, have an innate desire to be led and protected. As a jungle guide cutting his way through an uncharted rainforest, we expect you to clear a safe path through the tangled vines and quicksand of life. We want you to lead! We need you to lead. In so many cases today, women are forced to take on the leadership role in the family because men are so willing and eager to take a back seat. They lack the confidence, fortitude and drive to lead. They have gradually abdicated their place of leadership and taken the unfortunate position of just “coming along for the ride” as their wife makes all the decisions, determines the family’s direction, and sets the tone of the home. This is not God’s plan for the family. Nor does it set the right example for the young men and women you are raising. Of course, wise husbands will certainly discuss important issues with their wives, as well as, respectfully seek their wives’ opinions on appropriate matters. Authoritarian leadership is not really leadership at all. But, women desire for their children a father who can make wise decisions in the best interest of their family who they can follow with confidence and peace; knowing that he is seeking guidance from the father of all wisdom. Lead in confidence, strength, and passion, and we will gladly follow.

Integrity

“The righteous man walks in his integrity. His children are blessed after him.” Proverbs 20:7 (NKJV) Men of true integrity are so rare. As a mom, I want my children to have a father who knows and respects the difference between right and wrong. Today those lines are becoming more and more blurred. Fathers don’t often realize the lessons they are inadvertently teaching as they eschew the laws of the land–acting as though rules and laws of society don’t apply to them. Even minor “cheats” matter, especially if they are repeated over and over again. Have you ever parked where you were not supposed to park? (“But, daddy, the sign says ‘no parking’ here!”) Sometimes dads forget that little eyes are always watching…little eyes that will become big people…functioning in society the way they were raised. And, as society drifts farther and farther from he truth of God’s Word, it is up to you to teach your children what is right. As your children reach the age where they can understand some of the cultural issues that are in the news and all around us, talk about them. They need to know where you stand on things and why. Show your children how to treat people fairly. Obey the rules and laws of the road. Be a man of your word–if you say you will be home at a certain time or show up to a game or performance…be there! Don’t fall into the habit of telling little white lies just because your children are small and will believe them. Be honest, true, faithful, and consistent. 

Vision

“Where there is no vision, the people perish.” Proverbs 29:18 (KJV) Vision is so important to a family. Good leaders know how to get everyone on board by casting a vision. Dads: get us excited about where we are headed as a family. Talk about the future. Make plans with us. Whether you have a vision for a future vacation, a mission trip, a family service project, a new home, or adopting another child some day…tell us about it so that we can work and pray together as a family to see it accomplished. Have your family work together to come up with a mission statement that encapsulates your dreams and vision for your family. What are your core values as a family? Work together to establish some. Casting a vision will not only strengthen your family, but will help to solidify and define your place of leadership in the home. Let us see where we are headed so that, as a team, we can move forward with anticipation and joy.

Some who are reading this post may feel like they are a long way from exhibiting these characteristics. For now, just choose one and get with it. It is not too late even if your children are already teenagers. Seek God’s help to become a dad they can be proud of–one they can follow with confidence. Why not just tell your wife and kids you want to be a better dad and that they may see some changes within your family? Pray with them and seek God’s guidance as you strive to become a dad who exhibits leadership, integrity and vision. You will certainly see a positive change in your family that will have far-reaching effects and will bring honor and glory to God as the world looks on in wonder.

And, to those young men who are just starting a family or who will be in the next few years, (my own sons, for example) consider starting out on the right foot and putting these ideas into practice right away. Be a man who exhibits leadership, integrity and vision from day one–you will not regret it!

 

 

 

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Chasing Perfection: Will I Ever Get all my Ducks in a Row?

Posted on June 21, 2016 by Heart of the Matter

 

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Over the years I have often felt frustrated that I couldn’t seem to get all aspects of my life in order at the same time. As I’m furiously juggling my roles as a busy wife, mom, daughter, and friend, I am constantly dropping one ball or another.

Just when I seem to have it together in one area, another falls into disarray.

For example, when I think I am really managing my time well on the home-front–my house neat and organized, hot meals prepared for the family each night, calendar filled in with all our upcoming activities and meetings–I look up from the piping hot, made-from-scratch casserole on the counter only to find the longing face of my child, whose eyes seem to call out, “Mommy, pay attention to me.” Yep, I obviously was so busy being a good home-manager that I dropped the “good mommy” ball again.

Or, when I have finally gotten my eating and exercise habits under control, feeling strong and healthy, having made time for regular workouts, and out of the blue, my anger bubbles over about an irritating habit of my spouse’s– setting our relationship into a nose dive. There goes the “devoted spouse” ball.

It just seems I can never get all my ducks in a row. Can you relate?

I’m not asking for much. I desire only to be:

A patient and loving mom. A caring and supportive spouse. An organized and productive homemaker. A committed volunteer. A physically strong and healthy person. A helpful daughter. And, a devoted and consistent Christ-follower. That’s not asking for much, is it?

Well, to answer my own question: Yes, it is. It’s called chasing perfection…and it’s futile. Why does God not allow us to keep those ducks of ours all in a row (to attain perfection)? There are several reasons:

  1. If I come to believe I’m “all that”, I will have no need for God. My struggles, insecurities and imperfections prod me to call out to my Savior for help. And, as His Word says, “Where I am weak, he is strong”.
  2. A person who is ostensibly perfect is unrelatable and less likely to have an impact on the world around them. The weak places in my life serve to draw in my brothers and sisters who struggle with similar issues, providing opportunities to encourage them or to win them to Christ.
  3. It is satan, the father of lies, who plants in our minds thoughts of coveting perfection, just as he did in the Garden of Eden so long ago. There was only one perfect person who ever lived and that was Jesus Christ himself.
  4. Perfection will only be achieved when we are taken home to glory, changed in an instant, to be like Him.

So, if I can never really have all my ducks in a row, how do I live with that?

My advice to you is to seek wisdom from God as to what is important. As you listen carefully to his voice, he will lead you…moment by moment, day by day, year by year…to focus on what is important in each particular season of life. And know that the loudest thing isn’t always the most important thing. Also, make your relationship with God your number one priority–above spouse, kids, job, church, and self. In addition, as many of us tell our young children when they are playing sports, “Doing your best is more important than winning”. Stop seeking perfection and just do your best. You cannot be all things to all people. You will never have all your ducks in a row…at least not for very long!

Lastly, as children leave the nest, one-by-one, life becomes simpler–in a melancholy sort of way. There are suddenly less ducks to keep in line. For many years now a large part of my focus has been on “mommyhood”. I have absolutely no regrets about that. It’s been my greatest joy. But now, as my last child heads toward college, I find there is more time to focus on other areas of my life. I still have many ducks to keep in line, but I am confident that God will lead and guide me as I let go of perfectionism and seek to be a whole and balanced Christ-follower in a demanding and sometimes frantic, fallen world.

I know he will do the same for you!

“And he said unto me, ‘My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness.'” 2 Corinthians 12:9 (KJV)

“If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.” James 1:5 (NIV)

John MacArthur quote

 

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