Knowing What to Leave Behind

Posted on August 18, 2025 by Heart of the Matter

 

Preparing for an international trip is a challenge. There are so many things to consider: what to include in my carry-on for the long flight, what type of clothing is appropriate for another culture and climate, how many pairs of shoes I should pack, which medications to take along, and of course, which books to take. Most airlines have weight restrictions, so we can’t take it all and it’s often hard to determine what to leave behind.

I started packing a week ago. I’m an organized person, so waiting until the last-minute stresses me out. Our suitcases are down from the shelf in the closet, several piles of neatly folded items dot my bedroom, and my outfit for the flight is laid out and ready to go. There are some items, however, that are still in limbo. I can’t decide. Do they stay or do they go?

Pruning and Prompting

We all must learn what to leave behind—not just in travel, but in life. When we come to Christ, God begins to prune and shape us, making us more like him. Inevitably, some aspects of our old life must go. The Holy Spirit is the agent of change, helping us to grow in grace and mercy, and convicting us of sinful attitudes and actions. God wants us to be the kind of women who reflect his love and forgiveness. The kind of women who will draw people to him.

I know when I came to Christ, I desperately needed pruning. In fact, God is still working on me. When the Holy Spirit convicts, I must heed his prompting and make the necessary changes, cooperating with God in this process of sanctification. In making the journey toward Christlikeness, there are certain things I have to leave behind.

If you think about it, we all sometimes exhibit sinful attitudes or do things that aren’t pleasing to the Lord. For example, have you ever uttered unkind words you regretted saying as soon as they left your mouth? Do you have a habit of being negative? Have you felt guilty after passing something on about a friend that shouldn’t have been shared? Are you self-centered? Are you intentionally holding on to anger and bitterness towards a family member or friend? Are there idols in your life that are more important to you than God (money, entertainment, status, a hobby, your children or spouse)?

Some of these habits, actions and attitudes are actually strongholds in our life that we feel helpless to break. The good news is, we don’t have to gather the strength to break them—the Holy Spirit can and does. Our job is to repent and ask him for help.

Traveling Light

Allow me, a fellow traveler, to help you pack, and give you some tips on what to leave behind:

  • Gossip – It’s never a good idea to talk about others behind their back. Opportunities for gossip abound. Women are confronted with it almost daily and it can be hard to abstain. After all, we want to be liked and don’t want to lose friends. It’s easier to join in than to walk away or change the subject. But perhaps It’s time to take the high road and choose God’s way. A wise woman will hold things in confidence and resist the urge to pass it on. Next time, think before you speak if what you’re going to say is unkind, breaks a trust, or is harmful to someone’s reputation. (Proverbs 16:28, Ephesians 4:29)
  • Unforgiveness – The Bible talks a lot about forgiveness. Therefore, it must be pretty important, don’t you think? When we harbor unforgiveness, it not only damages our relationship with the person, it also effects our fellowship with God. Unforgiveness is as damaging to us as it is to the person we’re shunning. The bitterness of unforgiveness builds up like a cancer, impacting other areas of our life. We’re called to forgive readily and repeatedly, whether or not the person who’s offended us has asked for our forgiveness. In fact, we should train our minds to be in a constant state of forgiveness. That way, when things happen, we’re already prepared to let it go. (Ephesians 4:32, Matthew 18:21-22)
  • Being Easily Offended – This idea of being easily offended is a hot topic right now. The greatest offense to the secular world currently—traditional Christian values. It’s a sad situation, for sure. Sometimes believers take things too personally, as well, and find offense over the slightest thing. We’re offended that we aren’t chosen for a committee, a team or a task. We’re offended that someone didn’t smile and say hello in the church hallway (they were probably just distracted). We’re offended that we’re never asked to sing a solo. We’re offended that the pastor didn’t visit us when we were sick. We need to learn that life is not all about us. We shouldn’t assume the worst when we feel slighted, and we must learn not to take everything personally. (Proverbs 19:11, Ecclesiastes &:21-22)
  • Judgmental Attitudes—God loves each and every woman in your church, no matter their economic situation, their race, their personality, or their background. He loves them with the same unconditional  love with which he loves you. We are called to love everyone. Instead, we gather a small group around us and expend all our energy on that sweet little group of friends that look just like us. We don’t let anyone else in (think “mean girls” in high school). We forget to look around and really see the women in our church. We might even look down our noses at some of them. Jesus did the opposite. He reached out to the forgotten ones. There are women in your church who are lonely, hurting, desperate, or new. It’s time to leave our exclusivity and judgement behind and to reach out to someone who needs our love and attention—our friendship and encouragement. (Philippians 2:3, John 13:34, John 4:7-8)
  • Perfectionism – Ooh, I’m probably going to step on toes here. My friend, your life does not have to be perfect. Your body doesn’t have to be perfect. Your home doesn’t have to be perfect, your clothes don’t have to be perfect, and your children don’t have to be perfect. Sadly, many women spend so much time crafting a flawless image that they miss the joy and freedom of not having to be perfect! God never said we need to be perfect. When we spend our time and energy chasing perfection, we can unknowingly drift far from the mission to which God has called us. Nobody is or will be perfect on this earth. Relax and enjoy life. Be real and authentic. Let someone see your wrinkles, your rowdy children, and your messy home. Share your authentic self with godly friends. Letting people see the real you will draw you closer.

My sisters in Christ, I hope this article has made you think about what baggage you may need to leave behind as you travel this life. We’re to walk in a manner worthy of our calling as children of God. That means some things need to go. As we grow into spiritual maturity, God helps us change those aspects of our life that are not pleasing to him. Things like, gossip, unforgiveness, an over-sensitive spirit, a judgmental attitude, and perfectionism. Pray for Holy Spirit power to leave that extra baggage behind. Traveling light brings peace, joy, blessing, and freedom.

Even though I prepared for my trip with military precision, my bag was still overweight. At the airport I had to shift some items over to my husband’s suitcase. All he brought was a toothbrush, his favorite shorts, a pair of tennis shoes, and a change of underwear. Thank goodness he packs light!

“Therefore, I, the prisoner of the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling with which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, being diligent to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.” Ephesians 4:1-3

“And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.”  Philippians 1:6

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Far From Home: Aliens and Strangers in a Foreign Land

Posted on August 3, 2025 by Heart of the Matter

My husband and I recently returned from a trip to Paris, France. The trip was funded by my husband’s company, in recognition of his hard work. It was a dream come true for this girl who took French in both high school and college and never thought I would make it to France.

Before we left, I met up with a French teacher friend of mine and brushed up on some essential French phrases I might need for the trip. Phrases like, Ou sont les toilettes? (Where are the restrooms?), Une carafe d’eau, sil vous plait (a carafe of tap water, please), and Je voudrais un café crème (I’ll have a latte), among others.

I had planned our itinerary, purchased tickets, and studied up on some of the places we would visit. I felt prepared, but a little nervous about being immersed in a culture so different than our own. Armed with my pickpocket-proof crossbody purse, my Tylenol PM for the flight, and my “Google translate” app, we boarded the plane and headed across the pond to Europe.

In France I was an outsider. I didn’t know the customs, the language (despite my limited academic repertoire), or the proper etiquette. For instance, waiters in France take your order then leave you alone to enjoy the meal with your friends and family. They see it as an intrusion to come repeatedly to your table to check on you. Here in America, we’ll withhold the tip if our waiter doesn’t keep our tea glass filled!

Another noticeable difference is the lack of lighthearted greetings by the French to passersby. Don’t expect smiles and nods from French people as you pass them on the sidewalk. It’s just not done in France. This is starkly different from American Southern culture, for sure.

Funny enough (given the lack of friendliness on the street), you are expected to greet shop owners and waiters with a “Bonjour” upon entering or you are considered rude.

 Due to the cultural differences, etiquette disparities, and communications difficulties, I never felt totally comfortable there. I did my best to fit in (including speaking more quietly in the cafes and restaurants. French people think Americans are generally too loud), but it was evident that France wasn’t my home. I enjoyed our time but after a while, longed for the familiarity of my own culture.

It’s much the same for believers on this earth. We feel a tug for our real home—heaven. We have a sense that we don’t totally fit in here. In addition to that, the Bible tells us we don’t belong here—that our stay is only temporary.

“For this world is not our permanent home; we are looking forward to a home yet to come.” Hebrews 13:14 (NLT)

“Dear friends, I urge you as foreigners and strangers to abstain from fleshly lusts, which wage war against the soul.” 1 Peter 2:11 (NASB)

“In my Father’s house are many rooms; if that were not so, I would have told you, because I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I am coming again and will take you to myself, so that where I am, there you also will be.” John 14:2-3 (NASB)

As the world and our American culture drift further from Christian ideals and principles, we feel even more distant—more disconnected. Especially if we’re sticking to our guns and living out the godly principles we’re called to live out. In today’s world, the goal for believers is to not fit in. The Bible tells us we are to be holy, set apart for God’s use (1 Peter 1:15-16). In other words, it’s normal and right that believers feel a restlessness and a longing for their true heavenly home.

In fact, I’ve had days where I prayed that Jesus would come sooner rather than later, haven’t you? That’s because God placed within us a “find my home” spiritual microchip drawing us to him and to our heavenly home (hope I didn’t creep some of you out with that end-times-ish tech analogy).

Only God knows when he’ll call each of us home, or when Jesus will return in glory. Until then, we live as strangers, looking forward to our true home, but keeping the faith. As we wait, we continue to share God’s love and the lifesaving gospel of Jesus Christ with the world around us.

Au revoir, mes amis! Bonne journee!

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Christians Need to Keep the Main thing . . . the Main Thing.

Posted on July 9, 2025 by Heart of the Matter

 

There are so many distractions for believers in the world today—things that take our focus away from God and his Kingdom work—diverting us from personal spiritual growth and sidetracking our pursuit of holiness. One of those distractions is the ever-contentious arena of politics. We all know people (even believers) who eat, sleep, and breathe politics. They dogmatically espouse their opinions to all who will listen. They stir up arguments on social media and say things to their “friends” that bear little resemblance to Jesus’ model of love and kindness.

The problem is, while we’re checking Facebook every day to see who we’ve inflamed with our latest political diatribe (wringing our hands in gleeful anticipation of the fight to come), there is work to be done for the kingdom:

  • Help is desperately needed at the church food pantry.
  • Someone on the street corner needs to hear the gospel.
  • Our seat at church, where we learn about God in community, is conspicuously empty.
  • We haven’t opened our Bible in months.
  • We’ve drifted away from our family, the family for whom we’re supposed to be the spiritual head.
  • Volunteers are needed in the children’s Sunday school department.
  • Families in our community are desperate for help after a recent storm or other natural disaster.

 Our mission as believers is to glorify God and make him known to the lost world. To share the gospel. To love people to Jesus. To use our giftedness within the church body. To study and meditate on God’s Word so that we can get to know who God is. To develop our relationship with Jesus through prayer, meditation, and Bible reading.

When we allow ourselves to be distracted by the noise of the world, we cannot accomplish the mission to which God has called us. Satan would keep us busy ranting about political leaders rather than being about God’s business. He would have us believe that those who disagree with us need to be put in their place—and we’re the one to do it. He would keep us preoccupied by worldly pursuits and pastimes—putting our spiritual growth on the back burner.

Make no mistake, I firmly believe that Christians must make their voices heard and stand up for biblical values. In fact, it’s the responsibility of every Christian citizen in America to cast their vote according to the precepts in God’s Word—maybe even to hold a sign or attend a meeting on a local issue that affects us.  But politics shouldn’t dominate our every waking moment. And we certainly shouldn’t publicly spar with folks who disagree with us. We aren’t going to solve the world’s problems by alienating those we’re called to love.

“This is my commandment, that you love one another, just as I have loved you.” John 15:12 (NASB)

There are many other things that distract believers, of course. Things such as: chasing material wealth, pursuing the perfect body, obsessing over celebrities and entertainment, spending hours on social media and idolizing its influencers.

In this world full of distractions and noise, believers must keep the main thing, the main thing. The Bible says we’re to fix our eyes on Jesus as we navigate this life, nothing is more important. There are people every day who are dying without Jesus while we’re camped out in front of our television, trancelike, watching the news stations repeat the same news over and over again.

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.” Hebrews 12:1-2 (NIV, emphasis mine)

If you’ve been caught up in politics, or another distraction has prevented you from fixing your eyes on Jesus, it’s time to make a change. Seek the Lord in prayer for strength to break away from whatever is holding you captive. Ask him where you’re needed in his kingdom work. Get back to church. Open your Bible. Look for places to spiritually grow, in community. Find a place to serve in your local church.

Don’t worry too much about the political scene. God is in control. Whoever is in charge of  our country, God has allowed to be there. He has a plan, and it is far above the plans of man. I want to be a part of  God’s plan, don’t you? I want to be on God’s team, and I want him to find me faithfully serving when he returns.

Heaven forbid, when Jesus comes back, he finds me in a political rant, stirring up trouble on social media. Instead, I want to be about his kingdom work: loving, serving, giving, and sharing his life-changing message.

“Go, therefore, and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, teaching them to follow all that I commanded you; and behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age” Matthew 28:19-20 (NASB)

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The Grand Surprise

Posted on July 3, 2025 by Heart of the Matter

Motherhood was a joy to me;

fulfilling,

inspiring,

tiring,

all the things.

Grandparenthood is astounding;

breathtaking,

surprising,

remarkable,

all the things—and more.

There’s a surprise waiting after the heartache of the empty nest.

Little feet running through the house once again.

Little eyes watching you mix a batch of cookies and asking to help.

Little hands planting flowers by your side.

Little minds eager to learn what you have to teach.

Who knew this treasure awaited in the golden years, making them golden indeed.

 

 

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Heavenly-Minded or Earthly-Obsessed: Get on Board With God’s Agenda

Posted on May 20, 2025 by Heart of the Matter

I love to read. In my home, I have an entire wall of bookshelves packed with books, most of which I’ve already read at least once. My nightstand always holds a book or two and I have several more in the queue. I enjoy reading before bed, reading in the car (when I’m not driving, of course), and reading while soaking in the tub. I admit, my love of books borders on obsession.

Obsession is defined as: Something that occupies our mind or intrudes on our thoughts; A preoccupation with a person, idea or hobby.

People have all sorts of obsessions today: exercise, sports, social media, politics, golf, television, books, and many others. Whatever our obsession, we can’t imagine life without it. If we miss a day or two, we long for the opportunity to engage once again in our compulsion. An obsession is something we talk about, think about, and even dream about. But for several reasons, obsession can become a serious problem.

First of all, obsessions disrupt family relationships. People obsessed with work, scurry like a hamster on a wheel trying to land a six-figure salary, while their family is left on the back burner. Those obsessed with exercise, are often so self-focused they become not only physically, but emotionally distant from those they love. For some, exercise becomes a pseudo-religion. Inserting yourself into other people’s problems can become an obsession. I’ve known those who are so engrossed in searching out problems (other people’s problems) to solve or issues to champion, that their own children and spouse are left to fend for themselves.

 Obsession not only tears families apart, but it takes us away from God’s plan and purpose for our lives. It dilutes our effectiveness for the kingdom. If this idea of obsession sounds vaguely familiar, it should, especially if you’ve spent much time in the Word. In scripture, it’s referred to as, idolatry, which is anything we prioritize above God.

What is our purpose as Christ-followers?

The goal for every believer is:  To know and love God and to make him known to the lost world. Satan loves obsession because it pulls us away from this primary mission.

Am I saying Christians should engage only in overtly spiritual activities?  Surely God doesn’t expect us to sit and read our Bible all day long, does He? In our everyday lives we must go to work, shop for groceries, go to the dentist, and clean our house, right? Absolutely, we must. That’s life. But remember, the world is a mission field, and we are themissionaries. In other words, we must look for opportunities in our day to love and serve people—to engage with the lost world—to share the message of Jesus. In fact, Christians are the hands and feet of Jesus to this world.

 

Can someone be too heavenly minded?

It’s been said, one can be too heavenly minded to be any earthly good. But don’t be fooled. The most effective Christians are completely heavenly minded—obsessed only with loving and serving others, knowing God more deeply, walking in obedience to the Word, and sharing the life-changing gospel of Jesus Christ. Being heavenly-minded is good!

We’re heavenly minded when take a friend who’s lost their spouse to lunch, and comfort them. We’re heavenly minded when we spend a morning at the food pantry helping to stock shelves. We’re heavenly minded when we exhibit grace at our workplace so that others will be drawn to Christ. We’re heavenly-minded when we use our gifts and talents for God’s purposes. We’re heavenly minded when we cook a meal for a sick friend or clean up a widow’s yard after a storm. We’re heavenly minded when we lovingly care for our husband and children. We’re heavenly minded when we work hard at our job with a good attitude and reflect the attributes of Jesus.

The Christian life is not a part-time job

If you find you only think about spiritual things on Sundays, perhaps it’s time to up your game. Begin to think spiritually throughout the week. Be intentional. Start your day by asking God to help you see the needs around you and to give you the boldness to act. Pray for opportunities to share the gospel. Pray for God to help you find time in the Word for study and reflection. Lead your family in reading the Bible, praying, and memorizing scripture. The Christian life is much more than simply attending church on Sunday.

Lest you think I’m against hobbies, I’m not. Hobbies are a fun part of life and can provide moments for spiritual conversation. For instance, playing golf with a friend may be a great opportunity to share Christ with him. While you’re at the gym, you can find a way to practically serve one of your regular gym buddies. You can pray with your running group before you head out on your morning run. God gave us many things in this world to enjoy and we should take advantage of them. It’s when a hobby becomes an obsession—an idol—leaving no time or space for the things of God, that it becomes a problem.

All believers, including myself, could be more focused on the mission of knowing God and making Him known. There’s nothing more important. Join me as I pray for guidance, review my priorities, examine my routines, and determine if anything in my life has become an idol. Then, let’s ask God to reveal our areas of weakness so we can make the necessary changes.

God will always make a way for those who desire to be more spiritually in tune with Him. Believers have the Holy Spirit to help us overcome our obsessions and redirect our priorities—no need to rely on our own strength. As we faithfully join God on His kingdom mission, we’ll no doubt witness the fruit of lives changed and experience joy, peace and purpose like we’ve never known. Let’s get with God’s program today!

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