We’ve all heard that we need to give our children roots and wings. I think we can all agree that the roots part is easy. As we love them consistently, provide for their basic needs and create opportunities for family memories, we are sinking those roots deep into the fertile soil of family togetherness.

But what about wings? Must we really equip them to fly away? I’d rather just keep my children safely under my protective wing forever so nothing can hurt them. There’s one problem with that: If I never let them go, how will they complete the important mission God has for them to do in the world? Every child has unique gifts, talents, and personality traits God intends to use for His purposes. It’s our responsibility to make those wings strong and sure, so that when they leave the nest, they can complete their all-important mission.

A few pointers for parents to help in the wing-shaping process:

• Don’t be a helicopter parent. When our children are young, we want to be there as much as possible for their protection and support. It’s how we show them we care. As they get older, however, they need space to grow and develop. For example: It’s ok to go on a field trip with your 2nd grader. Good job on racking up those volunteer hours! If you’re still showing up at school every time the doors open once your child reaches high school—maybe, it’s time to land that helicopter. Older students need to experience things by themselves to grow. It’s time they learn to navigate new situations without mom—a very important life skill. This way they learn to analyze the options and make decisions for themselves. For example, an older student on a field trip may have to keep up with their own ticket, get to a meeting place on time, tune in to the teacher’s instructions and manage their own cash— all of which help develop responsibility. If you’re always there, your child will rely on you to hear and remember the pertinent information. Every time your child has experiences away from you, they gain confidence and find out they can, indeed, navigate the world on their own.
• Allow your older child (3^rd-12^th grade) to do their own homework. Does this really need to be said? Unfortunately, yes. I’ve known parents who’ve spent hours sitting at the table coaxing their child painstakingly through every homework question (blood pressure rising to dangerous levels by the minute) just so their child wouldn’t get in trouble for not finishing it. Parents, life is too short for that. What will happen if your child is left to do their homework by themselves? They will learn about consequences, time management, and how to ask questions about material they don’t understand. Your middle school child should be confident enough to say, “Mrs. Jones, I don’t get this. Do you think you could find a time to help me?” They can learn to do this, with practice and encouragement from you. 
• Encourage your older child to do their own communicating, with friends, teachers and coaches, when there is an issue. This is especially important for high school students. Are you calling the school every time your student doesn’t like the grade they got on a test? How about when your child doesn’t feel they’re getting enough playing time in their sport? In cases like this, you should have a conversation with your child to clarify the issue, pray with them, and maybe give them some wisdom as to how to proceed. But your child needs to learn to respectfully approach the teacher or coach and set up a time to meet with them to discuss the issue. Even older elementary students should be encouraged to talk to the teacher if they have an issue in the classroom. You can send a quick email stating that, “Johnny has an issue he’d like to talk to you about.” That way the teacher will be prepared and will make sure it happens.
• Allow your child to cross the “bridges to adulthood” with confidence and in a timely manner. I’m talking about getting their driver’s license, applying for a part-time job, spending the day with a group of friends without you, etc. Of course, you know your own child and will know when they’re ready, but don’t let your own fear be a roadblock for them as they begin to spread their wings. Trust that God has them under His watchful eye.  
• Include your child in family plans and decisions. Let your child know that his opinion is valuable, and his input appreciated. When we raise our children with respect and value their contribution to the family, they’ll be more likely to contribute their ideas and opinions out in the world. Now, more than ever, we need young people who have the courage to speak up for what is right.
• Teach your child that God loves them and has a plan for them. Share the Gospel with your child. Tell them God has a wonderful, specific, plan for their life. Help them understand that as they walk in His ways, they’ll have the Holy Spirit to help them. Model kindness, generosity, and respect, in your home. Your example will go a long way in shaping responsible, independent, and caring young adults.

That doesn’t sound too hard, does it? In a nutshell, we as parents are to:

• Love unconditionally.
• Provide opportunities for growth and development.
• Encourage our children’s gifts and strengths.
• Teach our children that God is real, ever-present, and all-powerful!

Ultimately, we must let go of their hand, give them a gentle push, and let God take it from there.

“Sons are indeed a heritage from the Lord, offspring, a reward. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are the sons born in one’s youth. Happy is the man who has filled his quiver with them. They will never be put to shame when they speak with their enemies at the city gate.” 

Psalm 127:3-5 (CSB)