I had to forgive my husband today. I didn’t want to, but I did it.

Do you easily forgive your spouse when they mess up, or do you hold a grudge or give them the silent treatment? I have been known to do both.

My husband and I had a little spat today when he was home for lunch. We’ve been married for 30 years, so it happens occasionally. In our case, disagreements usually stem from our personality differences. For instance, I am an organized planner, he is not. Today, something that he was in charge of, didn’t work out well—because he is not an organized planner! It irritated me a bit.

The funny thing is, I am currently in a Bible study about forgiveness. Have you noticed that when God is working in our lives in a certain area, he gives us opportunities to practice? Well, I sure got some practice today.

God calls us to “forgive everyone for everything” (Bruce Wilkinson, 70X7: Finding Peace by Forgiving Others and Yourself).  There are no exceptions. As a matter of fact, we are to live in an attitude of forgiveness, so that when someone commits an offense against us, we are ready to immediately forgive. We need to be ready to let it roll off of us like water off a duck’s back. 

That’s not easy, of course. Especially when it is a family member, or when someone offends or hurts us again and again. How many times can we possibly forgive someone? In the Bible, Peter came to Jesus and asked that very question. He said, “Lord, how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Up to seven times?” Jesus answered him, “I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven.” (Matthew 18:21-22-NKJV)  Jesus was making the point that our forgiveness of others should be unlimited!

Why is this concept of forgiveness so important to God? The answer to that question is profound. God loved us so much that He sent His only Son to purchase our own forgiveness—to pay for every sin we have committed, past, present, and future. He redeemed us so that, by believing in His Son, we could be reconciled to Him forever, washed clean of the stain of our sin. There has been no greater forgiveness.

How can we then refuse to forgive someone when Jesus paid the ultimate price for us?

The Bible calls us to live in loving fellowship with others. That means, showing grace, mercy and forgiveness to them. We are all sinners and need forgiveness from time to time. I certainly hope people will show me grace and forgiveness when I fail them, as I often do. Forgiveness cannot be a one-way street.

Something that is a sticking point for many, is that they won’t forgive unless the offending party asks for forgiveness. Waiting for them to ask, is not part of the formula. We need to forgive even if they have not asked to be forgiven. Some people, especially those with hardened hearts, will never ask you to forgive them. I would venture to say, most people who offend us will not ask us to forgive them.

What are the consequences for unforgiveness?

When we harbor unforgiveness, God may allow us to experience bitterness, stress, depression and other consequences in order to make His point in our lives. Yes, God sometimes does that.

I realize that there are some situations involving past hurt or abuse that are so deep and complicated a Christian counselor may be necessary. Don’t hesitate to seek one out if that is the case with you.

I texted my husband after he left to tell him I forgive him. When he comes home I will give him a big hug and tell him again. Nobody’s perfect, least of all, me!

“And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you. ” Ephesians 4:32 (NKJV)

“Therefore as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering; bearing with one another, and forgiving one another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do. Colossians 3:12-13 (NKJV)

“If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” 1 John 1:9 (NKJV)