We’ve all heard that we need to give our children roots and wings. I think we can all agree that the roots part is easy; we just love them consistently, provide for their basic needs and let them know they are forever a part of our family. As we do that, we’re sinking those roots deep into the fertile soil of family togetherness.

But what about wings? Do we really have to equip them to fly away? I’d rather just keep my children safely under my protective wing forever so nothing can hurt them. There’s only one problem with that, if I never let them go, how will they complete the important mission God has for them to do in the world? Every child has unique gifts, talents, and personality traits that God intends to use for His purposes. It’s our responsibility to make those wings strong and sure, so that when they leave the nest, they can complete their all-important mission. Here are a few pointers for parents to help in the wing-shaping process.

• Don’t be a helicopter parent.

When our children are young, we want to be there as much as possible for their protection and support. It’s how we show them we care. As they get older, however, they need space to grow and develop. For example: It’s ok to go on a field trip with your 2nd grader. Good job on racking up those volunteer hours! Chaperoning every single field trip and event with your middle-schooler? Not so cool. If you are still going on every field trip and showing up at school every time the doors open once your child reaches high school—maybe, it’s time to land that helicopter. Older students need to experience things by themselves to learn and grow. It’s time they navigate new situations without mom, an important life skill. They need the opportunity to analyze options and make decisions for themselves. For example, an older student on a field trip by themselves will have to keep up with their own ticket, get to a meeting place on time and manage their own cash for the trip— all of which help to develop responsibility. Your child will have to pay attention and listen for themselves—tuning in to the instructions given by the teacher. If you are always there, your child will rely on you to hear and remember the pertinent information. Every time your child has experiences away from you, they gain confidence and find out they can indeed, navigate the world on their own.

• Allow your older child (3^rd-12^th grade) to do their own homework.

Does this really need to be said? Unfortunately, yes. I’ve known parents who’ve spent hours sitting by their middle school child at the table coaxing them painstakingly through every homework question—blood pressure rising to dangerous levels by the minute— just so their child wouldn’t get in trouble for not finishing it. Parents, life is too short for that. What will happen if your child is left to do their homework by themselves and they don’t do it? They will learn about consequences, time management, and how to ask questions about material they don’t understand. Your middle school child needs to be confident enough to say, “Mrs. Jones, I don’t get this. Do you think you could find a time to help me?” They can learn to do this, with practice and encouragement from you. Allowing your child the opportunity to do their own homework will help them develop confidence and competence that they wouldn’t otherwise have.

• Encourage your older child to do their own communicating when there is an issue— with friends, teachers or coaches.

This is especially important for high school students. Are you calling the school every time your student doesn’t like the grade they got on a test? How about when your child doesn’t feel they’re getting enough playing time in their sport? In cases like this, you should have a conversation with your child to clarify the issue, pray with them, and maybe give them some wisdom as to how to proceed. But your child needs to learn to respectfully approach the teacher or coach and set up a time to meet with them to discuss the issue. Even older elementary students should be encouraged to talk to the teacher if they have an issue in the classroom. You can send a quick email stating that, “Johnny has an issue he’d like to talk to you about.” That way the teacher will be prepared and will see that it happens.

• Allow your child to cross the bridges to adulthood with confidence and in a timely manner.

I’m talking about getting their driver’s license, applying for a part-time job, spending the day with a group of friends, etc. Of course, you know your own child and will know when they are ready but, don’t let your own fear be a roadblock for them as they begin to spread their wings. Remember, the children in your nest are on loan to you from the Creator, who has a specific plan and purpose for their life. You can trust him. He loves them infinitely more than you do. Don’t hold your kids back from these important milestones.

• Include your child in family plans and decisions.

Let your child know that his opinion has value, and his input is appreciated. When we raise our children with respect and show appreciation for their contribution to the family, they’ll be more likely to contribute their ideas and opinions in the wider world. Now, more than ever, we need young people who have the courage to speak up for Christian values.

• Teach your child that God loves them and has a plan for them.

Share the Gospel with your child. Tell them God has a wonderful, specific, plan for their life. Help them understand that as they walk in His ways, they will have Holy Spirit power to succeed and to impact the world. Model kindness, generosity, and respect, in your home. Your example will go a long way towards making them responsible, independent and caring young adults.

That doesn’t sound too hard, does it? In a nutshell, we are to:

• Love unconditionally.
• Provide opportunities for growth and development.
• Encourage our children’s gifts and strengths.
• Teach our children that God is real, ever-present, and all-powerful!

Parenting can be challenging but also, so rewarding. God chose you to be the parent of that precious child of yours. He’s equipped you to do the job. Ultimately, you must let go of his hand, give him a gentle push, and, in faith, let God take it from there.