Marriage is challenging.

Take two people whose genders make them different by nature, stir in unique personalities, the needs of their children, the pressures of extended family, and the stress of difficult circumstances, and you have a boiling pot that’s ready to blow! It’s not fun. It’s not romantic. It may even seem hopeless.

For example, my husband and I are so different. I love communication. He prefers to be alone with his thoughts. If he had his way, he would go days without saying a word. I am an organized planner. He flies by the seat of his pants. I love to have people over. He’d rather not.

We have gone through job loss, miscarriage, heart surgery, financial pressures, and deaths of family members together.

Let’s face it, there are time periods in marriage where the romantic feelings are few and far between and all we feel is anger, frustration and disappointment. We become distracted by life and forget to put our spouse first.

We wonder, “Where is the love?”

It’s in those very moments—the dull, dry, apathetic moments—when we need to remind ourselves that love is a verb. It’s something we choose to do, even when its the last thing we want to do.

In choosing to love, day after day in marriage, even when we don’t feel like it, we become a living picture of the sacrificial, forgiving, grace-filled love expressed to us by our heavenly Father. And as we press on in this kind of intentional, selfless love, we begin to see blessings in our marriage—the blessings of obedience.

Marriage is challenging, but marriage is also, awesome! A lifelong friendship. An exciting journey of highs and lows. A relationship with someone who knows you to your core and chooses to love you anyway. Building a home and raising children and having grandchildren! Traveling together. Holding hands through the difficulties of life—emerging on the other side stronger than ever!

My point is, melding two very different people into one marriage for a lifetime, shouldn’t work. If we rely on feelings of romantic love, it won’t! But viewing love as a verb is the key to marriage success.

It’s wonderful to have feelings of love for your spouse and sometimes you will! But, as the years go by, you will have to choose to love—by your actions, your words, and your attitude. And that obedience and self-sacrifice will ultimately lead you to a strong, impactful, enduring marriage that is a beautiful example of Christ’s love for the church

“Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.” 1 Peter 4:8 (NIV)

“Husbands love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” Ephesians 5:25 (NIV)

“And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.” Colossians 3:14 (NIV)